


everything good (and everything perfect about you)

by thisseemslikefun



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, F/F, Fem!Jonghyun, Gen, Genderbending, a lot of guilt, a tiny scene of something a bit uh sexy?, fem!minhyun, fem!ongniel, more teenage drama than angst i guess, the rest is male
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:19:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15447072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisseemslikefun/pseuds/thisseemslikefun
Summary: Senior year was for stress, exams and their last prom but Danielle was convinced it was for more or less hopelessly crushing on the cheerleading captain Seongmi as well.





	everything good (and everything perfect about you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ayelashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayelashes/gifts).



> Whew, it's been a long time again. Can't believe it's been over a year since I've started writing Ongniel. Anyways, this is for S.O.S. child Maddie! Only 5 months late but better than never x) I thought this would be like 12k so it wouldn't take too long but ha ha jokes on me. Happy super fucking belated birthday!
> 
> She requested 'happy angst' which is basically angst with a happy ending and honestly, I don't think there's anything more angsty than two teenagers in high school lol  
> Warning: they are really fucking dramatic, read at your own risk. 
> 
> Also, fem!ongniel had been something I have wanted to write for the longest time just to explore the trope. I know it's sorta controversial, if anyone has a problem with it I'd wish for them to contact me (twt/cc in end notes) so we can actually talk about it! 
> 
> Before you start reading, not everyone's genderbent:
> 
> Daniel - Danielle  
> Seongwoo - Seongmi  
> Minhyun - Miyoung  
> Jonghyun - Joohyun  
> Minki - Minhee (only mentioned)  
> Sungwoon - Woon (?) (only mentioned)
> 
> The rest are guys!
> 
> They are all in their final year, except Jihoon.
> 
> Jeez, this beginning note is so long again. Enjoy!

“I also love to make my ramen with one egg and a piece of cheese! It's insane how much we have in common.”

 

Melodious laughter entered her ears, and Danielle would have sighed like the love sick fool that she was if she weren't in chemistry class right now. She was pretty sure  she would embarrass herself by doing so, though.

 

Her eyes were stuck on the beautiful girl sitting right next to her.

 

Her long, straight, black and glossy hair put L'Oréal models to shame. Her deep brown eyes that always seemed to twinkle prettily and that stunning smile made Danielle want to scream into her pillow at home at the sheer unfairness that god had allowed by creating a girl to be this perfect.

 

Ong Seongmi was the epitome of beauty.

 

Even her laugh was perfect, slightly high and sweet-sounding. It was so different from her own rather low and breathy laugh. Sometimes, her best friend Jaehwan would say she sounded like she was choking. Honestly, maybe she really was choking on her spit around Seongmi – but would that surprise anyone?

 

She had three moles on her cheek – a constellation, as their astrology teacher Mr. Im said. He jokingly added that they rivaled some actual stars in beauty. A lame joke that had made everyone frown since it had been coming from a creepy teacher who hadn't stopped staring at Seongmi the whole remaining class. Did Danielle agree? Definitely, from the bottom of her heart.

 

Seongmi's appearance was truly the opposite of Danielle's. Her own hair was a light shade of blond and only reached to her collarbones. While Seongmi was as thin as all the female idols out there, Danielle had a few more curves she fortunately felt comfortable with. The school uniform they had to wear on four days a week always looked stylish and fresh on Seongmi. The blouses didn't really work out well for Danielle's bust size, and her wide shoulders really didn't help either. The skirt was at a perfect length for Seongmi but a few centimeters too short for Danielle, making it all look a bit unfitting.

 

And just like polar opposites, Danielle felt absolutely attracted and smitten by the cheerleading captain of their school.

 

Danielle hated her chemistry teacher, Mrs. Choi, but she certainly thanked the old hag for seating her long time crush right next to her. Admittedly, it was harder for her to focus on class, but it wasn't like the blonde had ever been anything better than barely passing.

 

At least now, she had a legit excuse as to why she was always borderline failing. She was simply too busy making heart eyes at the most popular girl in school. Also, ever since today, apparently making her laugh.

 

Danielle was surprised how easy it was to actually hold a conversation with Seongmi. She had ungracefully stumbled to her seat after she saw Seongmi sitting in the one right next to hers. Out of nowhere, she had become hyper aware of how her hair was a mess and how her pullover was turned inside out. She had bumped into the table and winced, and Seongmi had asked her if she was okay. Luckily, the pretty girl had kept the conversation going. They quickly had found out they both liked the same things such as food and had similar hobbies. While their teacher had been busy talking about some orbitals or something, they had shared whispered conversations while trying to hold back their giggles as much as possible.

 

"I guess we just have chemistry," Danielle joked but bit the inside of her cheek when she realized what she had just said. Oh god, this was it, she had destroyed every possible chance with Seongmi, even just being acquaintances. Who would want to be seen with someone who made such basic and bad jokes? No one, no one in their fucking right mind would – Danielle wanted to jump out of the window and hide in the nearby forest and maybe just become one with a tree to save herself from the embarrassment -

 

But suddenly, Seongmi threw back her head slightly, her hair falling so gracefully around her shoulders as she opened her mouth and silently laughed – laughed the most captivating way she had ever seen her do. Her eyes closed on their own and miraculously, warm sunlight was shining on her, enhancing her beauty even further. Danielle's stomach flipped, she couldn't suppress the smile that was spreading on her face. She was the reason for Seongmi laughing! Her!

 

"I love your humor, Danielle!" she exclaimed quietly and touched her shoulder a little, barely grazing, but it was enough to make her knees shaking and her cheeks to be painted in a pink hue.

 

God, _she had just touched her._

 

"I feel like our gag codes really match," she added and smiled warmly at her while tilting her head. Danielle wanted to cry. Who allowed her to look this good? She didn't even know what to say, too busy suppressing her need to scream.

 

Fortunately, the school bell rang and saved Danielle's pathetic ass.

 

Seongmi's smile dropped instantly and she hastily picked up her stuff.

 

“I gotta rush to a cheer squad meeting, see you tomorrow?”

 

The other girl only nodded quietly and smiled at her weakly. Seongmi threw her one last dazzling smile and quickly ran out of the classroom. Her eyes followed the cheerleader. Danielle sighed and patted her hot cheeks.

 

“Kang Danielle. How convenient that you are the last one. I need to talk to you. Please close the door.”

 

The student turned to her teacher with raised eyebrows. All her giddiness disappeared, and she closed the door of the classroom with a frown. Her teacher looked at her sternly and expectantly. She pointed towards the desk right in front of her own one. Danielle gulped, she felt nervousness spreading through her, just as before but for all the wrong reasons.

 

This was not good at all.

 

She took a seat slowly, her hands starting to sweat. Was she about to lecture her not to hold conversations in her class? It had only been only once, and the old women didn't even try to catch Seongmi. It would be unfair – not that she wanted Seongmi to be in trouble, of course – but it would still be unfair. She probably disliked Danielle for being so bad in chemistry while Seongmi was decent. Maybe she was even good.

 

“I tried my best but it seems like it's not enough.”

 

The hardness in her teacher's eyes did nothing to ease Danielle's mind.

 

“I am sorry, Danielle. But you are failing chemistry.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What's wrong with her?”

 

Danielle currently sat in the school's cafeteria, her face planted down on the dirty table. The surface had long stopped feeling cool against her cheek; she just looked into the air lifelessly. She didn't even care that the tables in their cafeteria were usually pretty dirty.

Her eyes didn't even move when one of her friends came into her vision.

 

“I don't know, she came here without saying a word, plopped down, and then became one with the table. Hasn't moved for like 30 minutes,” her friend, Jihoon, said to their older friend, Jisung, who was waving a hand in front of her face.

 

“Niel, what's wrong?”

 

She felt Jisung touching her shoulder gently, and she knew he wouldn't stop pestering her until she would answer. She forced herself to sit up and pouted pitifully.

 

“I'm failing chemistry.”

 

“That's nothing new, though,” Jihoon deadpanned.

 

Danielle looked at him darkly.

 

“No, this time I really am failing. Fuck, how am I supposed to graduate high school without passing this stupid class?”

 

“What did Mrs. Choi suggest?” Jisung asked.

 

“She basically told me to get my shit together.”

 

“Always helpful, that lady.”

 

“I don't know what to do anymore. Adding Seongmi sitting next to me now, I'll understand even less.”

 

Her eyes roamed through the cafeteria for the girl on their own before remembering that she was supposed to have her cheerleader meeting. Right at that moment, she entered the cafeteria, each of her steps having a little skip in them as she moved to the table of the popular kids. It makes  Danielle feel as if she had lost herself in one of those horrid high school movies.

 

Seongmi greeted everyone and stopped for a second because there was no place to sit anymore. Not even a second later, she skipped towards the school's quarterback and planted herself on his lap.

 

Danielle felt her mood drop even more. She didn’t think that was possible but indeed, here she was. She groaned loudly and let her head fall onto the table again, eyes fixed on the spot where the popular

 

The way Seongmi was sitting so comfortably in his lap and his arms wrapped around her waist made Niel laugh in disbelief. She felt like she was in one of those cliché teenage chick flicks where the loser was uselessly pining for the hottest girl in school who was in a relationship with the hottest guy in school.

 

She had certainly not signed up for this crap.

 

Now that she was thinking about it, did that mean she needed to have some sort of magical make-over to grab the girl's attention and run off with her into the sunset like in those movies?

 

No, that only worked for heteros.

 

The cheerleading captain and the quarterback, what a pretty and perfect pair, truly the biggest cliché. Crushing on a straight popular girl who's together with a popular guy.

What made the pair even more perfect was that Ong Seongmi and Kang Dongho were childhood friends since they were babies. They had been neighbours since forever, their parents were best friends, and it was only natural for them to become best friends as well.

 

She had heard from other classmates that the two were inseparable, attached to the hip and definitely more comfortable around each other than other normal best friends. Hell, Jaehwan and her had been friends since primary school, and just the thought of sitting on his lap like it was a soft cushion made her grimace. Anyone with eyes could see it, to be honest. They never really confirmed they were together, but they also didn't deny.

 

There were even rumors that their parents had forced them into an arranged marriage of some sort to connect their families, and they both agreed out of love. Danielle snorted just thinking about it.

 

In the midst of her dark thoughts, she felt someone poking her cheek. She turned to the person with absolute disinterest.

 

“Don't stare so much or else they will notice.”

“What are you even doing here?” she murmured.

“What, am I not allowed to?”

“Well, I'd expect you to sit with them,” Niel sighed and sat up properly. She threw an arm around the person's shoulders.

 

“But it's nice to see you among us again,” she added and ruffled the other girl's brown hair, “Did not expect Hwang Miyoung's girlfriend to sit with us, what an honor to have you with us here, Kim Joohyun.”

 

The girl rolled her eyes with a little grin and pulled out her food.

 

“I was eating lunch with you guys on Friday.”

“It's a new week!”

“It's Monday, Niel.”

 

The blonde shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“It doesn't feel often, considering how often you spend your lunch with your ever popular cheerleader girlfriend now instead of us.”

 

The brunette raised an eyebrow.

 

“You’re the one who only has eyes for the cheerleading cap, the most popular one of them.”

“Well, I’ve got my eyes set on her but, she ain't got hers set on me like Hwang Miyoung does on you. Literally. Right now. Seriously, why is she glaring at me? You are already dating, is she afraid I might steal you away from her?”

 

Danielle deliberately pulled Joohyun closer and laid her head on her shoulder.

 

“I forgot how cuddly you are.”

“I forgot you liked to rile up Miyoung. I don't even know why you do, she's actually really nice,” Joohyun replied dryly but did nothing to push her away as she quietly ate her lunch. “Also, you guys see plenty of me when we meet up as the dance team.”

“But we miss you, our dearest leader,” Danielle pouted, “Do you know how lonely I feel as the only girl on this table? All this testosterone is making my head hurt. Thank god Jaehwan isn't here right now or it would worsen with his noisy laugh.”

 

“Little shit,” someone murmured behind her and hit her lightly with a folder. Jaehwan sat down next to her other side and glared at her. “Is this your gratitude for me joining your dance club so the school doesn't cut your finances?”

 

Danielle latched from Joohyun to Jaehwan.

 

“I'm sorry, Jaehwanie, savior of our beloved club. Thank you for joining despite having absolutely no talent for dancing,” She smiled at him teasingly, and Jaehwan pushed her away like unwelcome dirt on his shirt.

 

“Tsk, whatever. Are you gaying over Ong again?”

“When is she not gaying over Ong?” Jisung threw in.

 

She wanted to open her mouth and defend herself, but one look from everyone and she shut up. It would be wasted breath anyways.

 

“Well, actually, she has said she is failing chemistry miserably,” Jihoon said while turning a page in his book. It was beyond Danielle's understanding how Jihoon could study when it was time for food and even in a noisy place such as the cafeteria. Or maybe studying was just really not her most favourite thing to do.

 

“Can't say I am surprised,” Jaehwan shrugged.

“What sort of friend are you?” Danielle grumbled.

“The best friend.”

“Is that so? Well, best friend, please do tell what I should do to save my ass and not fail Mrs. Choi's class.”

“You are failing chemistry?”

 

Danielle shot up straighter at the familiar female voice from behind her back. She froze for a second, her eyes were screaming at Jisung who had been sitting opposite of her and should have fucking noticed her. He should have told Danielle her damn crush was right behind her, but the older looked just as shocked as she was.

 

The blonde girl turned towards a frowning but also curious looking Seongmi.

 

“Ah – Ah, yeah.”

 

She felt a bit embarrassed to know that her crush now knew that she was doing shit in a subject. But then again, as her new seat mate, she would have probably noticed it sooner or later anyways. Better sooner than later, she guessed.

 

“Well, I am fairly good. If you want – I mean if you really want to – I can help you a bit with studying?”

 

Danielle felt her mouth drying up, her eyes probably bulged out. She felt her hands shaking.

 

“L – Like tutoring?”

“Yes!”

 

Her first instinct was to say no, better play safe and say no. Nothing good could come out of her listening to Seongmi talk even more while being so close to her.

Seemed like Jisung knew exactly Niel was about to decline, he kicked her shin and looked at her intensely.

 

“I got a bit of tutoring experience if that's what you are worrying about.”

 

The dancer rubbed her shin while glaring at Jisung and turned to Seongmi with the brightest smile she could muster with probably a newly forming bruise on her shin now.

 

“I – I will think about it, thanks.”

“Cool, let me give you my number so if you decide to take tutoring you can tell me!”

 

Danielle's head was spinning. Her? Having Ong Seongmi's phone number? No fucking way.

She only remembered fishing out her phone with her shaky hands and pressing it into Seongmi's. She was just glad she hadn't dropped it. She probably blinked a few times and suddenly Seongmi had handed her back her phone and waved goodbye.

 

Danielle waved goodbye to her sanity as well.

 

She looked at her phone as if it was a holy sacrament. All the guys looked at her in shock, Joohyun laughed,

 

“Best freaking idea to join you guys again today.”

 

* * *

 

 

Danielle bit into her thumb anxiously.

Her friends had been telling her for the rest of the day to grab the chance – tutoring with Seongmi was her chance to get closer to the girl. Otherwise, it would be a missed opportunity. They were right, she could talk to her more, get to know her better. Could she really _actually_ study and learn something with Seongmi as her tutor, though? She could hardly even function in chemistry class, wasn't this doomed from the start?

 

However, she also couldn't pass up this chance – she simply couldn't. She could always stop tutoring if it really was useless.

 

So here she was in her bed, writing and rewriting the first text ever she would send to her crush. God, her hands were shaking again, her whole body actually. She couldn't screw up. She needed to sound interested but not desperate. Casual, casual was good.

 

**Danielle**

hello is this seongmi's number? |

  


Wait, was she supposed to use capital letters? Sound a bit more polite maybe?

  


**Danielle**

Good evening, this is Danielle from chemistry |

  


No, no. This was too formal.

 

**Danielle**

hi! :) |

  


Was the smiley weird? It wasn't.

 

Or was it?

 

Danielle started deleting the smiley but suddenly, her phone slipped out of her hand onto her face. She gasped and quickly took it into her hands again just to see that she had accidentally pressed the send button with her nose.

 

**Danielle**

hi! :

  


She was positively, highly pitched screaming.

What had she done? How fucking stupid would she look now with “ _hi! :_ ”? What was that even supposed to mean?

 

**Danielle**

OMG

sorry

i

i meant

hi! :)

I'M SORRY?

my hand slipped and thi s happened

*this

  


Danielle wanted to bury herself under a blanket and never ever get out again. Seongmi would think she was stupid, the dumbest to ever dumb. She would take back her offer and –

 

Her phone vibrated.

  


**Seongmi**

haha cute!

  


The dancer let out a loud dinosaur scream and touched her head in disbelief.

Ong Seongmi had called her cute. She could die happily now.

  


**Seongmi**

i guess you decided you needed the chemistry tutoring?

 

**Danielle**

Yes!

i mean . . if it's still cool with you.

 

**Seongmi**

of course :)

what about tomorrow after school?

 

_Already?,_ she thought, panicking already. That would leave her with barely any time to mentally prepare! She tried to think of better fitting days but she had dance practice Monday and Thursday and she knew cheerleading was Monday and Wednesday. And no one wanted to fucking do something for school on the weekend.

 

**Danielle**

alrighty!

 

 

She cursed at herself immediately. “ _Alrighty_ ”? That sounded fucking stupid.

Danielle buried her head under her pillow. She wasn't ready to suffer from a slow death. She desperately wanted to sleep, maybe she would dream of a parallel world where she was already together with Seongmi. However, she remembered she needed to plan how to look particularly good for tomorrow. She jumped off her bed and opened her wardrobe just to remember tomorrow would be one of those days where they were all forced to wear the same school uniform.

 

The blond let herself fall on her bed with a loud sigh.

 

What has Seongmi done to her sanity?

 

* * *

 

 

Ripped it and shredded it apart apparently. That's what she had done to her sanity.

 

Danielle was supposed to listen to Ong and learn something about orbitals but all she got was that the other had the prettiest eyelashes ever. So long and voluminous, definitely not Maybelline but good genes. Undoubtedly, an important fact but nothing that could save her ass in chemistry.

 

As predicted, she had been distracted the whole hour or so they had spent together already. She loved how Seongmi's eyes would light up if she talked about something she liked. Danielle could not understand how one would like chemistry unless one was like Mrs. Choi but it just made Seongmi even more admirable in her eyes.

 

What if Seongmi would want to become a chemistry teacher one day? How could any of her students possibly focus with such a beautiful teacher in front of them? The image of Seongmi as a teacher was making Danielle squeal. She would undoubtedly be the hottest te-

 

She shook her head slightly, trying to free her mind from those dangerous thoughts.

 

“Oh, you didn't get it?”

“Uh – Oh, yeah, I didn't get that part. Can you please repeat it?”

“Sure! See, the orbitals are -”

 

Seongmi had really pretty lips.

 

Danielle couldn't help noticing the way her mouth would move and form words. Was she wearing any lipstick or chapstick? Her lips were so pink – perfect to k-

 

Danielle bit her tongue, the pain distracting her from her thoughts only for a bit.

She needed a better distraction, all this chemistry crap wasn't helping her situation. Apparently, Seongmi had picked up on her distress and touched her hand kindly.

 

“Hey, do you need a break?”

“Yes, please.”

“That's cool. I can totally get why you would be overwhelmed. It's a lot to take in, I didn't really get it until Dongho and Miyoung helped me. Mainly Miyoung. You know her, right?”

 

Danielle froze at the mention of Dongho but decided to skip his name.

 

“Oh, yes. Of course, Joohyun's girlfriend.”

“Yeah! She is really good at this, helped a lot.”

 

Danielle smiled at her shortly, not knowing what to say next. Oh god, some awkward silence was developing between them. No, why now? Why ever? All the previous time, Seongmi had talked about the hated subject but now that they were taking a break, they needed a new topic. Quick, she needed to think of something, anything!

 

“They . . . are a cute pair right?”

“Joohyun and Miyoung? Yeah, I am glad Miyoung finally made a move. You wouldn't believe how much she had whined about wanting to take that cute quiet girl with the cool dance moves in her class on a date.”

 

Danielle raised her eyebrows but turned her face away. Sounded familiar, she remembered Joohyun's small little ramblings about Miyoung as well.

 

“She was always anxious that there was something between Joohyun and you.”

“Me?” she fake gasped. Of course, that had been no surprise. She had noticed the dark stares from the popular cheerleader and deliberately threw herself all over Joohyun at every opportunity. She was glad to know it had been worth it.

 

“Joohyun is one of my closest friends. That's it. I just like being touchy with her, she is very cuddly.”

“So you don't like her.”

 

Seongmi was seemingly nonchalant but the tone in her voice was weird.

 

“No. Definitely not.”

“Okay,” she mumbled and then cleared her throat before turning towards her with another one of her brilliant smiles that robbed Niel all of her air.

 

“Time to continue with our beloved orbitals. They can only have that many electrons . . .”

 

* * *

 

 

"Jaehwan, I swear," she groaned and threw herself at her friend who yelped at the sudden weight on his back, "She is so so _so_ beautiful. God, and she smells like – like sunshine and a pleasant spring day. The one that makes you breathe in deeply and close your eyes as you feel the warm sun on your skin and you think – even if it would be the end of the world, life is good."

“How can one person smell like sunshine, that makes no sense.”

 

Jaehwan shrugged her off which made Danielle whine.

 

"No, don't go away, I need to cry into someone's ears how perfect Seongmi is."

"That's what you have been doing the last two years," he scoffed.

 

Danielle pouted and leaned against Jaehwann's side, looking up to him with big eyes.

 

"So what's the problem if I do it a few more times?"

 

He sighed and looked at his childhood friend with a neutral expression, a clear sign he had no argument left. A small smile formed on her lips and she latched onto his arm and pressed her cheek on his shoulder.

 

"Have you ever seen her scrunch up her face whenever she's displeased with something? She's so cute!" she squealed.

 

Jaehwan closed his eyes, probably trying to drown out Danielle's gushes he had heard at least 50 times before.

 

“Your tutoring has been multiple times now, how the fuck do you always come up with new things to describe her?” he groaned loudly.

“She brings out the artist in me.”

“What artist are you talking about?”

“Pf. Fine, if you don't want my honorable presence I will go somewhere else.”

 

She stood up and crossed her arms defiantly. Jaehwan rolled his eyes and waved with a bright smile.

 

“Bye, bye. Have fun in your dance room.”

“I will! At least, I'm respected there!”

“'Cause you are the only one there.”

“Yeah, a bitch only needs to respect from herself.”

 

Danielle jokingly flipped her hair and walked to an empty floor where the dance rooms where located. Students usually didn't pass this floor, especially not in the middle of the day. She was glad the teacher of her next class was sick.

 

Glad to see no one else there, she quickly got changed and put on a random playlist on her phone. She stood in front of the big mirror that took the whole wall. Danielle nodded along to the beat, slowly moving to the first few words of the lyrics before letting her body move without any thought or choreography in her mind.

 

After a few songs, she lost track of how much time had passed. Whenever she danced, she felt free – from worries about school or her life in general and from what the unpredictable future might hold for her. She was free of stress and pressure and felt light floating over the floor. Dancing had become her escape. Especially ever since she had started her senior year, school had become particularly suffocating. Combined with the aspect of a big and scary change coming soon in her life after high school, she had found herself in the dancing room more often.

 

There was simply something so liberating about letting her limbs let loose, the music the only thing surrounding her.

She even liked the feeling of a few strands of her hair flying into her face, poking her eyelids, or the way her clothes stuck to her sweating body. It was a disgusting feeling but it was also entirely satisfying in some sort of way. It meant that she had the ability to move freely and control what moves she would make.

 

The playlist ended way too fast for her and she quickly thought of an ending pose to finish cooly. Something super ridiculous maybe where she would be standing on only one foot and half-flying in the air. She peaked at the mirror and smirked. Truly Tthe only bitch in this room she could respect.

 

Suddenly, someone was slow clapping from the door shocking Danielle so much, shelost her footing and fell flat onto her face.

 

Oh, yeah, she really was a cool bitch.

 

All she wanted to do was to hide herself in a hole and disappear forever when she looked up to see the intruder.

 

How not to impress your crush 101.

 

Seongmi quickly rushed to her and took a hold of her hands.

 

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you so much!”

 

The worry was edged deeply into her face and Danielle wanted to laugh because how did she manage to still look so pretty from this horrid angle on the floor?

 

“It's okay, I was just a bit surprised. No one usually comes down here.”

 

All of a sudden, Niel was hyper aware of Seongmi still holding her hands. Instantly, she felt her hands sweating. She panicked because of her sweaty hands which only made her sweat more which just ended in her panicking more about them.

She hastily jumped to her feet and laughed shyly. She pulled her hands away and ran them along her fair hair, quickly reminded again that she probably looked like a hot and sweaty mess – in front of her crush.

 

Seongmi was smiling softly at her and Danielle sighed dreamily inwardly.

 

“I was just passing the room 'cause the props we needed for training had to be brought back to the room at the end of the floor. I heard music and was curious. I knew the dance rooms were here but I didn't expect to see you, to be honest.”

“Well, I am a dancer and this is the dance studio,” Danielle replied dumbly. What was the point of what she had said? Answer: there was none.

“I mean, I like to be here, yeah.”

“You were incredible – Oh, I hope you didn't mind me watching you like a creep?”

“Ah, no! It's okay, I was just – just surprised, that's all.”

 

To be honest, Danielle had always seen dancing as a sanctuary. Something entirely for herself. Even her friends had understood that she was sensitive in that aspect, so for Seongmi to just enter the room – it felt a bit a weird. She usually didn’t mind audience as long as she knew she was being watched, but she had entered the room with the idea of dancing away her worries and keeping to herself. She had allowed herself to be vulnerable, thinking she was alone. This was her safe space where no one would judge her, where she would be her only critic.

 

But one look at Seongmi's shining, admiring eyes and Danielle decided that she couldn't be mad at Seongmi. She snorted at herself internally, she was seriously whipped.

 

“You are really amazing,” Seongmi said and played with the hem of her short skirt.

“Thank you,” Danielle gulped. She didn't know how to handle all these compliments from her crush.

“I – I should probably go . . .”

 

The cheerleader was slowly walking backwards towards the door and Danielle immediately reached out but dropped her hands while clearing her throat.

 

“Wait. I am . . . preparing for the talent contest right now. Do you maybe want to watch? I mean if – if you are free now. And I don't have much yet but I mean, if you don't have anything to do – god, wait, you are probably busy what am I -”

 

This sounded freaky even in her head but that's what it felt like – trusting someone to the extent you allow them into your safe space without being that close to them.

It was beyond her knowledge how Seongmi, a girl she had befriended a few weeks ago, had already managed to worm herself into her heart that deeply to earn her this amount of trust.

 

“Niel.”

 

Her warm voice was calling out her nickname so sweetly, it shut her up immediately. She was dying inwardly, Seongmi had called her _Niel_ in such an affectionate way with such a beautiful smile.

 

“It would be an honor to watch you being a genius.”

“A – a genius? Oh, no no. I don't know why you would think that.”

“I have attended the previous talent contests, you know. Miyoung dragging me to ogle Joohyun. Your stages are always so awesome. You are,” she laughed and looked around while swinging her hands, seemingly unable to find words. Her eyes set on Danielle again.

 

“Simply mesmerizing when you dance. I have no words to describe what you do on stage but wow. Oh, god, I sound like such a fangirl or something.”

 

They both chuckled and looked at each other shyly with matching hot cheeks. Danielle felt like combusting, she had never expected to be complimented so much by Seongmi, especially not all at once in one day. Knowing her crush thought so highly of her made her feel timid but at the same time freaking happy.

 

She rubbed her nape in embarrassment and quickly walked to her bag. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Seongmi sitting down on the floor. Danielle pulled out her notes and flipped to the page for her dance choreography. She still had two months until the school's talent contest but she knew she would be dying from the load of homework soon so she had decided to start preparing before she would drown.

 

She looked over the routine she had written down, and then put on the song she had chosen. She breathed in and out deeply, trying to focus on herself and herself only. Crush or not, she couldn't neglect her training for Seongmi.

 

Her body moved along to the choreography she had planned so far. It was still a bit sloppy and choppy, she still had to think of smoother transition but she decided to try out everything she had so far. The song was more of a sensual song, it required her to perfect her expressions that fit the lyrics and the melody.

 

At the end of the song, she tried a complicated twirl that required her hips to twist smoothly while her arms, her hands and fingers were supposed to work with sharp precision. Her success rate was so far had been 50:50. Luckily, this time she managed to do it well and landed perfectly in an ending position.

 

The music stopped and her chest was heaving heavily, she felt sweat dripping from her neck and her forehead. She felt pretty proud of herself for finishing the performance well at least. Her eyes caught Seongmi's in the mirror. The girl had her hands clapped together and was smiling brightly again.

 

“You will be so outstanding at the talent contest. You have to win!”

 

Danielle took out a small towel out of her bag and dabbed the sweat.

 

“That's sweet of you to say, thank you. Noh Taehyun is competing as well, so I don't really expect to win. It's okay, I'm doing it for the experience anyways.”

 

She quickly took a sip of her water bottle and tried to fix her hair a bit. Maybe the nest on her head would look a bit more presentable this way.

 

“I wish I could move as cool and nicely as you.”

 

The dancer raised her eyebrows.

 

“What are you talking about, you are the cheerleading captain. You choreograph and dance, too.”

“Yeah but it's much different. The elements differ a lot. Though, some of your elements would work well in a cheer choreo. This move –“

 

Seongmi stood up and sloppily threw her hands around and kicked her legs into the air. She looked nothing like Danielle remembered seeing from her on the field.

Danielle had to suppress a laugh, she was too adorable.

 

“– was especially cool. Can you maybe teach me?”

“Teach you?”

 

Her eyebrows shot up again.

 

“Well, I teach you chemistry and you teach me dance moves. Isn't that a great deal?”

“Oh, sure.”

 

Seongmi clapped her hands excitedly and moved right next to Danielle.

 

“Wow, this is exciting.”

“Have you ever danced before? I mean except cheerleading.”

“Mh, not really no.”

“Well,  it's not that hard, so if we do it slowly and bit by bit it could work. Eventually, I think. Watch me.”

 

Danielle repeated the move with ease and Seongmi's mouth opened in awe at how effortless it seemed to come to the dancer. She immediately tried to copy.

 

“Like this?”

“No, wait.”

 

The blonde stepped behind her and reached out to correct the position of Seongmi's arms. She caught a whiff of Seongmi's deodorant or maybe it was perfume and hesitated for a second before trying to clear her mind. This was serious dance business, she could be gaying later. Danielle kept her respectable distance as much as it was possible but that seemed to be quite the task as she was required to touch her.

 

“You make it look so easy,” Seongmi whined.

“Don't worry, you will nail it soon, too.”

 

Seongmi pouted and if that hadn't made her weak enough already, the other leaned back towards her even further.

 

“Promise you will help me till I can do it?”

“Yeah,” Danielle gulped, feeling sweat forming on her forehead again.

 

This was going to be a long and agonizing dance session.

 

* * *

 

 

The following day, Seongmi's scent was still lingering on her mind. It was really freaking embarrassing but she would never say it out loud.

Her eyes were stuck on the popular table again. Joohyun had decided to sit with her girlfriend today, and she was sitting on Miyoung's lap. The other looked quite happy to have an armful of Joohyun but the girl herself looked more fascinated by the manga she was reading.

 

Classy Joohyun.

 

Next to Joohyun was Seongmi, it was probably borderline pathetic how her eyes would always find their way to her. She was scrunching up her face at the food she had just put into her mouth but she looked so cute doing so, Danielle had to sigh.

 

"I impregnated Choi Minhee."

"You did _WHAT_?" Niel turned to the voice next to her abruptly, eyes widened in shock.

 

Jaehwan burst out laughing while their other friends cackled along, even the studious Jihoon.

 

Her tense shoulders slumped immediately and she rolled her eyes.

 

"Very funny, guys. I should have known that was a fucking lie when you said Choi Minhee. She's way out of your league."

"Well, first of all: Rude. Second, you didn't listen to me before that, probably busy daydreaming about a certain girl's long legs."

"Maybe I was? So what?" she grunted.

"We have been talking serious business here, okay?"

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

 

"Jaehwan, the damn prom isn't ' _serious business_ '."

"Of course it is! It's our last one before we graduate. I mean, not Jihoon’s last, but for the rest of us it is. It should be the best one. You know, go out with a _BANG_!" he exclaimed and slapped the table noisily. He winced when it hurt but pretended that his eyes didn't water from the pain.

 

"I need to ask the prettiest girl out.”

“I'm not going out with you, Jaehwan.”

“I said prettiest not ugliest.”

 

Danielle kicked his shin without blinking. Jaehwan's little scream made her feel some deep satisfaction, especially as he rubbed his leg in pain.

 

“Actually, that's the opportunity for you to ask out Seongmi, Niel."

 

Danielle looked at Jaehwan in disbelief..

 

"Did your parents drop you as a baby? Why the fuck wouldI ask out someone who's taken?"

"To be fair," Jisung said and looked between Seongmi at the other table and Danielle, "It's just a rumor."

"But rumors always have some kind of truth in them," Jihoon added, "You should know best, gossip auntie."

"Yeah but I don't know. My dating experience tells me they aren't dating."

 

Everyone on the table groaned and rolled their eyes.

 

"Seriously, one girlfriend and he thinks he's an expert."

"Not again, Jisung."

"What dating experience is this dude always talking about."

 

"But seriously!" Jisung almost shouted, "Why does no one believe me?"

"Last time, you said the rumor about Euiwoong being on national TV wasn't true,” Jihoon answered.  
“Well - “   
“He aired the fucking Hello Counselor episode everywhere."

"But this is about –"

"Shhh, Jisung," Jaehwan said and held a finger to his lips, "Let's be realistic, hm? Every blind man can see they are together. Or would you snuggle a girl in your lap casually? Always carry her stuff like a servant? Slap each other's butts? I've seen his parents interacting with Seongmi before, they already treat her like a daughter. End game, it's over, they are basically married."

 

Everyone glared at Jaehwan who frowned but then looked at Danielle who was only pushing her food around on her plate.

 

"Oh, shit. Sorry – I mean, yeah, maybe it's just a rumor and –"

"It's okay, Jaehwan, it's not like I didn't know before."

 

The two other boys kicked Jaehwan and he held back from yelping in pain.

 

Danielle just looked over to the table again and sighed. Her pathetic puppy crush was getting out of hand but she didn't know how to get rid of it. Adding her tutoring now, it would only get worse. They were meeting up 2-3 times a week and sometimes would even get something to eat or drink afterwards. She was inwardly crying and so was her wallet. Ah, the things she did for love.

 

“Besides, I got a performance to prepare for. I can easily distract myself by dancing.”

 

Immediately, the pictures of her and Seongmi in the dance studio reentered her mind. She had successfully managed to keep her cool and look somewhat okay as a teacher to Seongmi. In the end, the cheerleader had managed to nail the move perfectly, Danielle was surprised but at the same time not, because she wasn't the captain for nothing.

 

The doorbell rang to tell everyone to continue slaving away in the classrooms again. They quietly got their stuff and moved towards the exit of the cafeteria. They parted ways, with Jaehwan and her going to their class together.

 

“Niel, can we maybe hurry up a bit please. Music class is at the end of the school,” Jaehwan rushed her impatiently.

 

She raised an eyebrow in confusion and looked at him. She was about to say something about chilling but then her eyes caught the tie around his neck. Her eyes went up and down his whole body.

 

Suspicious.

 

“You are wearing your uniform properly for once.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“That you are wearing your uniform properly for once.”

“Excuse me, I always do.”

“You definitely don't. You usually get warnings about it. Don't deny it, we have gone to the same school since first class.”

 

Jaehwan clicked his tongue.

 

“I shouldn't have befriended you. Young and naive Jaehwan thought you seemed nice. He was so wrong.”

“Whatever,” she dismissed him, “So what's the deal? You want to be early and come with proper clothes? _Oh!_ ”

 

She wiggled her eyebrows and came close to him.

 

“A girl?”

 

Jaehwan suddenly started laughing loudly but she had been friends with him long enough to hear the nervousness in it.

 

“What girl? _Please_. I just look forward to exchange knowledge about my biggest passion with other people.”

 

Danielle squinted her eyes but decided not to comment on it. They quietly entered the music class.

 

“Oh, hey Sewoon!” she greeted the new kid in their class. They were from the same hometown and bonded over that quickly. The guy looked up from his seat and waved at her with a gentle smile.

 

“Hi, Niel. Hello, Jaehwan.”

 

Her friend chuckled shakily and waved back with a stoic hand.

 

“H – Hi!”

 

Danielle frowned and side-eyed her best friend.

 

There was sweat forming on his forehead.

 

For a few seconds, her mind was screaming. What was happening? What had just happened? Jaehwan sat down next to Sewoon immediately, they  talked about guitars animatedly.

She shook her head and sat down on her desk.

 

Very suspicious.

 

* * *

 

The first thing Danielle did after coming home was to throw her bag into a corner and herself on her soft and inviting bed (and maybe she had screamed into her pillow and trashed around pathetically but shhh).

 

She watched some mindless show on her laptop and stuffed her face with crackers when she heard a familiar _ding!_ coming from her phone.

 

**Seongmi**

don't my boobs look absolutely fantastic in this dress?

_[image]_

 

Niel choked on the cracker in her mouth and spit them across the room as the picture loaded.

She wiped her mouth but didn't take her eyes off the picture. She gulped, throat suddenly feeling a lot drier.

 

Seongmi had taken a picture of herself in front of a big mirror in what seemed like a fitting room of some shop. Her body was clad in a nicely fitting bodycon dress in a rich red color that pushed her boobs together nicely and also showed enough cleavage for Niel to maybe start drooling a bit.

 

The clothing was hugging her curves in all the right places, making her silhouette look more stunning and enticing. Danielle looked away for a second to breathe in and out deeply.

She had no idea why Seongmi had randomly sent her that kind of picture. Sure, they saw each other regularly, but they weren't this close. It wasn't scandalous or anything, but it surely wasn't something she'd expect. However, it would be rude to just panic, and not answer so she told herself to cool down, get her mind out of the gutter and actually answer. Maybe her friends were busy or something and Danielle's chat had been on top of the list.

Also, this kind of picture was not a big deal. Girls send each other these kind of pics a lot probably, not like she would know – Joohyun would near wear such a sexy dress and all pics she got from her male friends were of them eating in boxer shorts and she could very well live without those kinda pictures all over her phone.

 

After a few seconds, she deemed herself as ready as she can be and looked at her phone again, just to end up groaning. Niel whimpered and threw herself on her pillow pitifully. The sounds she made were muffled by the pillow.

 

“I'm too gay for this.”

 

A natural pout formed on her lips as she sighed deeply. She should better reply as soon as possible. Seongmi had probably already seen that Danielle had read it, she wouldn't want to make her think she was gonna leave her on read.

 

She sat upright and cleared her throat. She braced herself for the incoming war in her mind and heart and told her vagina to suck it up. She could pretend to be a totally unaffected friend. Easy game, no big deal. She could just – she could just imagine it's Jaehwan in the dress, yes! Jaehwan with a bra filled with socks and a red dress. Perfect.

 

**Danielle**

looks good, seongmi :)

 

**Seongmi**

omg!

i'm sorry! i actually intended to send this to someone else >.<

ah, sorry again, nielie!

  


Danielle's phone dropped out of her hand. She fell back on the bed like a sack of rice, a funny smile on her face.

 

“She called me Nielie, _oh my god_ ,” she whispered to herself and grabbed the nearest pillow to hug it close to her chest. It was a big and long one, not to mention soft. She koala-ed it basically as she clung to it like it was the last bits of her sanity – if she had any left.

 

Her phone was vibrating again and Danielle blinked in confusion. Did Seongmi send more?

She hastily reached out for her phone but was quickly disappointed to see it was only Jaehwan.

  


**Jaehwan**

i'm bored

 

**Danielle**

i don't care

go away i'm having a moment right now

 

**Jaehwan**

with moment you mean flicking the bean?

 

**Danielle**

NO

even if i were i wouldn't have fucking stopped to talk to you

 

**Jaehwan**

RUDE

  


Danielle snorted and closed the chat to go back to the one with Seongmi. She wondered what she should even text back.

  


**Danielle**

it's okay

i enjoyed the view |

  


She wanted to slap herself for even just typing out the last sentence. She quickly replaced it for something that made her sound less thirsty.

 

**Danielle**

it's okay

i hope you bought the dress?

  


Almost immediately, Seongmi was texting back.

  


**Seongmi**

ah, I don't know if it isn’t a bit too much for prom, you know?

  


_Ah, prom_ , Danielle thought. Here she was, texting the girl she liked, seeing her in an amazing dress that made her look absolutely gorgeous, knowing very well that being friends and accidentally getting pictures sent to her is the closest thing she will ever get. She was suddenly reminded of Seongmi's childhood sweetheart aka her perfect match. Maybe the pics were meant for him actually, who knows? The thought leaves her feeling a bit bitter.

 

However, her bitterness vanished magically when Seongmi texted her more, just about cute and pretty dresses in general. She didn't really understand anything about cuts and which one made what part of the body look good but she found herself anticipating every message for four hours straight. Conversation just seemed to come easily with Seongmi after Niel got over her awkward stage. She knew she was really whipped, it was embarrassing actually. Getting to know Seongmi finally only made it much worse, now she didn't seem perfect to her anymore. Now she just knew Seongmi was perfect for her.

 

Danielle sighed when their conversation ended too soon for her with Seongmi saying she had to prepare for bed. She would see her in a few hours again but Danielle was a bit too love sick to wait that long. She closed the chat with her and her eyes caught her best friend's name.

 

Her mind drifted to her conversation with Jaehwan earlier, that shameless guy. She drew some circles on her pillow that she was still koala-ing comfortably.

 

Seongmi was – she was undeniably hot. A beauty to behold. God whenever she would bend down in those short skirts, it was –

 

Danielle gulped, her thoughts were entering dangerous territory again, very dangerous.

 

But her mind couldn't help drifting back to the picture. She shouldn't have that effect on Danielle, she really shouldn't but Danielle still couldn't make her mind shut up about how well the piece of clothing had hugged her and how beautiful her long black hair fell next to her breasts.

She wondered what it would feel like to be able wrap an arm around that small waist or to run a hand along those hips.

 

The dress was short enough to reveal the majority of her gorgeous legs. They looked so long and smooth, they would surely feel great under her fingers and look so pretty wrapped around Danielle's waist. Danielle bit on her lip harshly but the images kept flooding her mind.

 

Of Seongmi standing in front of her and, with that teasing smile of hers, slowly opening the zipper of this tight dress. She would take her sweet time, her long dark hair would hug her face as a smug smirk would form on her lips, making Danielle dig her teeth deeper into her lip.

After agonizing seconds full of impatience, the dress would finally fall to the ground with a small thud, revealing her perfect little breasts. Her perky pink nipples would be begging for Danielle to give them all the attention they deserved, to cup those breasts, to knead them gently, to suck on her nipples until they were puffy and Seongmi reduced to a moaning mess.

 

Danielle closed her eyes and let her own hand glide over her own breasts, teasingly letting her fingers brush over her own nipples under the shirt. A small moan left her as her hand continued its way over her stomach further down and down. She imagined Seongmi's moans to be as pretty as her laughs – slightly high pitched and clear sounding with need and want written all over it. Just the idea of Seongmi moaning her name made her whimper.

Heat started to pool down towards her lower stomach, she already felt herself getting wet. She rearranged her position around the pillow and started brushing against it with her front, a shaky sigh left her lips at the sweet friction. She already felt herself pulsating and had to bite her lips to prevent herself from moaning out loud.

She was weak and those images were strong, too strong and before she knew it, she had already started rubbing herself onto the pillow, moaning into the plush surface. The more she thought about running her hands on Seongmi's body, being able to kiss her and leave marks all over her neck and her breasts, the more pressure she used to rub herself onto the pillow.

 

She was about to take off her pants and her underwear when she suddenly heard her phone going off again.

  


**Seongmi**

good night <3

thank you for listening to for my never ending rambling about dresses ^o^

  


Danielle immediately let go of the pillow and rolled away, feeling her face getting hotter by the second and not because of the raunchy images she had thought of earlier. She felt ashamed of how one picture had reduced her to this needy girl that was about to get herself off at the imagination of a school mate – a school mate she was supposed to see in a few hours again. _Her tutor._ Danielle had no idea how she was supposed to face her in a few hours, very well knowing she had been ready to probably moan out her name while rubbing herself onto her pillow. The name of a school mate that was also a friend and probably not expecting her friend to think of her in such dirty way.

 

Danielle stood up from the bed and quickly ran to the bathroom, getting ready for bed too, but not before taking a shower and hoping she could wash away the guilt she felt.

 

* * *

 

 

She couldn’t get rid of the guilt completely.

 

Danielle was sitting next to Seongmi again – tutoring. She was mad at herself for so many reasons. One of them definitely being that she was losing the progress she had made in her studies. Seongmi was still as overwhelmingly pretty and smelled as amazing as ever but after getting used to her presence, Danielle was at least able to listen a bit more closely before her mind would drift off. She had even managed to write D's instead of F's lately. It seemed to be a freaking miracle. However, whenever she looked at Seongmi now, she felt guilt gnawing on her mind. She kept losing focus which made her insanely mad at herself. Danielle wanted to become better. After all, Seongmi was putting so much effort into this whole tutoring, she didn't want to disappoint her and waste her time.

 

However, she couldn't even look her in the eyes. If she would, she would be reminded of how Seongmi's eyes were twinkling as prettily in the picture with the dress – that damn red dress. It was dangerous to (wo)mankind. She would be reminded of her shameful act, how needy and desperate she had become thanks to one single picture and her wild imagination.

 

The blonde wanted to smash her head against a wall, anything to make her mind shut up. Fuck hormones.

 

She had even tried texting Jisung about it, in hopes it would lessen her guilt and liberate her in some sort of way. He had tried telling her it wasn't shameful to imagine a person she actually knew but it did nothing to ease her mind. She had tried telling herself she was overreacting but there was always this small voice in her head that refused to let go of her – at least for now.

 

Maybe she even felt a bit dirty. Maybe she needed a few days to get over the feeling but it surely didn't help that she was with the girl of her wet dreams so often and so close, too. Danielle should be fucking ecstatic to be able to spend so much time with Seongmi. She could stare at her endlessly without it being weird, she could even lean forward slightly to smell her. But that was probably the reason why it was a curse as well, she had all the possibilities and temptations.

However, her mind screamed at her to run. The urge to run to the studio to dance and simply forget for a few minutes was becoming bigger and bigger with each passing second in this library.

 

Danielle had long given up on trying to listen - let alone understand - what Seongmi was talking about. It only added to the guilt she felt, here she was wasting all her time again while Danielle was in the middle of an angsty crisis.

 

“Niel? Niel! Hey, is everything okay? You are so silent.”

 

The girl blinked a few times and rearranged herself on the chair. She cleared her throat and looked at Seongmi from the corner of her eyes.

 

“Uh, yeah. Everything good.”

“Are you sure? Did something happen?”

“No, no. Not at all.”

 

Great, now she felt a bit guilty for directly lying to Seongmi as well.

This had to change. She didn't know what or how but something had to change. Even if it would kill her internally.

 

* * *

 

 

**Seongmi**

are you free tomorrow after tutoring?

maybe we can grab some dinner at that amazing bbq place we went to a few weeks ago!

 

**Danielle**

sorry but i am busy afterwards

contest and all

  


Danielle scoffed at herself for lying – _half-lying_ to Seongmi again. She wanted to say yes desperately, she wanted to spend more time with her and listen to her going on and on about food she loved while stuffing her mouth but she couldn't. It was for the better if she would detach herself, create a bit of distance. Get over this ridiculous crush. Also, it was partially the truth. The contest was coming nearer and her choreography was still not entirely satisfying her. She would have just taken the extra time off to spend it with Seongmi under different circumstances.

But this wasn't normal. She was under code red or black or blue or whatever color was the correct one: It was the worst.

 

She had to be cautious of her actions from now on, reconsider if she could allow herself to be as close to Seongmi as before. She would still be civil to Seongmi, friendly and nice like a good acquaintance, maybe a friend. Surely not someone who had a big fat crush on her. She did it for her own sake but also for Seongmi. At this rate she would end up not only hurting herself but also Seongmi. It would surely end in chaos. She could accept getting hurt herself but she didn't want to hurt Seongmi in any way.

 

Jihoon thought her idea might be not too bad. Joohyun was skeptical. On the other hand, Jaehwan and Jisung actually had tried talking her out of it. Sometimes, it made her doubt the plan.

Especially at the beginning, it was the hardest to just close the chat with Seongmi with some excuse she couldn't spend time with her. She would always remind herself that this was for the better, right? It would help her feel less involved and in time, when she had gotten over the crush, they could maybe become better friends. Sometimes, it worked and she could suppress guilt and sometimes it didn't.

 

What if she let her emotions overcome her mind to the point she would realize this could not continue under any circumstances and then detach herself completely from Seongmi?

She wasn't stupid, obviously the cheerleader had taken a friendly liking to her. If a friend would suddenly ditch Danielle out of nowhere that would hurt her immensely, too.

 

She really didn't want to do this to Seongmi, so she would lay low for a bit. Her feelings would pass in time. Hopefully.

 

Danielle just wasn't sure if that was possible. If she was completely honest with herself, she would admit that Seongmi wasn't a mere crush anymore, a girl she used to just admire from afar. Now that she got to know all her little habits and got the opportunity to actually get to know her, she wasn't sure if she could even still call it a crush. However, admitting to herself her feelings were running deeper now than before was terrifying to Danielle. It would make her toss and turn in bed at 1 AM. That was not what she wanted, so she stubbornly kept calling her a crush for now whenever she remembered.

 

Something that would pass easily.

 

If she could clear her mind of Seongmi instead of filling it with new memories, she could get over her soon. So she rejected any offer to spend time after tutoring, sometimes even skipped that giving Seongmi some made up excuse.

 

Most of her free time was spent in the dance studio now. Danielle pushed herself a bit more, always a little bit more until her limbs were screaming and begging for her to stop. But she never wanted to. If she would be in her own little bubble, she could forget about Seongmi.

 

The calming effect of the room itself was seemingly lost now after she had allowed Seongmi to stay. She had actually invited her a few other times to join. Danielle used to simply step into the room and feel lighter but there was no lightness in her steps anymore. Now it had only reminded Danielle of her and made her struggle internally with herself.

 

No, she needed to move to forget. Once the music had started, she had willed herself to forget again, desperately holding onto this one thing she felt most comfortable doing.

She sometimes wondered if she should ever regret letting Seongmi into her safe haven but she also couldn't blame the poor girl. Did she even know the effect she had on Danielle? Most probably not.

Maybe if she hadn't asked her to stay those weeks ago and hadn't exposed her vulnerable side, maybe she wouldn't feel as attached.

 

Maybe her heart would have stopped beating so fast around her already.

 

If she wasn't killing her body, she was killing her mind, trying to study for exams. In between, she would just always try to talk to one of her friends or meet up with them to distract herself.

 

The biggest distraction was actually Jaehwan, in many ways.

 

When they were together, her best friend was loud enough to cover any thoughts of Seongmi and he put in extra effort after she told him about her plan. He did not approve but he still tried to help her. Thinking about it, Danielle felt eternally grateful to know she had such a good best friend. Sometimes, she would think of a life or just a future where she didn’thave Jaehwan by her side and it would always leave some bitter aftertaste in her mouth so she hastily would drop the thought. Jaehwan, despite being a little shit, was a best friend she knew she could count on. She sometimes wondered how lucky she had been to befriend the awkward and gangly boy back then.

 

He even helped in a different way because she had found interest in his love life while hers was dramatically lacking.

 

Now, Jaehwan had not dated a lot in the previous years. He was one to make suggestive jokes (which had earned him enough slaps from Niel) but then would freeze up if someone would actually approach him and show interest in him.

 

She had noticed, though, how Jaehwan was nervous and jumpy around Sewoon. Of course she had noticed the small glances Jaehwan had thrown at the other and the way his smile always seemed to be brighter and warmer around him. He had once gone to music class with perfume. _Perfume_.

Something was seriously wrong. Or seriously right? She didn't know yet.

 

It was obvious he was trying to impress someone. Danielle had considered that maybe she was interpreting it wrongly and tried to think of any girl in their class maybe, after all Jaehwan had always let everyone think he was very much straight. She had always suspected _something_ but he never really showed any particular interest in boys and joked about boobs a bit too much. Maybe it had been obvious all along and she had been just terribly blind? Maybe he himself had only noticed recently? She really didn't know. She felt bad, considering they had been best friends for 12 years but she hadn't noticed the shift in him or that he was hiding something so significant about him behind his bad jokes.

 

One thing was certain, Jaehwan was not flirting with any girl in their class. Definitely no girl then. Well, what he did with Sewoon wasn't close to flirting as well but it was something. A mix of shy touches and red cheeks but absolutely endearing to watch. Danielle couldn't help smiling. She felt happy for Jaehwan, but Sewoon didn't look to be completely unaffected by their close interaction as well. He looked at least just as excited to see Jaehwan enter the room. A soft smile would grace his lips and his attention would be on him immediately.

 

She had tilted her head watching him interact with Sewoon. The way Jaehwan had tried to subtly brush his fingers with his – it always made her snort. He wasn't subtle at all.

 

It made her giddy to know her best friend had found someone who also liked him back.

She just didn't get why they still weren't together when they obviously were infatuated with each other.

 

She frowned, wondering if Jaehwan hadn't come out or said anything regarding liking boys (too) to them because he was afraid of their reaction. A small, ugly feeling of light irritation rose in her. It bothered her to know that even though they were obviously not homophobic, Jaehwan had never said anything to them.

 

Danielle quickly shook her head at herself. No, there could be various reasons why he had never said anything to them. Maybe he was still struggling to accept it himself. Or maybe he just didn't want to yet. Maybe he simply wasn't comfortable yet.

 

Maybe it had something to do with Jaehwan's family. There were three generations living in his house. While his parents were more open-minded, his grandmother was conservative. Jaehwan wasn't too fond of the old woman but she was still his grandmother, his family. Not only her but some other relatives were openly homophobic as well. It would be understandable if he would hesitate.

She didn't really know how to approach the topic, she wanted to talk about it with Jaehwan but she surely couldn't go “ _I know you have a thing for Sewoon_ ” out of nowhere.

 

It would probably make everything worse. Knowing Jaehwan, he was probably panicking about it already. She felt bad for him and wanted to help, support him as best as she could, but she had to be patient. In time, when Jaehwan was confident enough to seek her out, he would tell her and she would be ready to just hug him tightly and encouragingly.

 

Until then, she would just silently support him. She can always make fun of his crush on Sewoon after he would come out.

 

Until then, she had to wait.

Just like how she had to wait for her crush on Seongmi to pass. Time will heal everything, they say. And that's what she was hoping for, too.

 

* * *

 

Danielle had tried.

 

She really did. She had tried keeping herself away from Seongmi and distracting herself from everything as much as she could. She had even stopped replying to her texts and chose to plan tutoring lessons only in person.

 

However, the girl was still lingering on her mind relentlessly.

Now, Niel could no longer deny anymore that this infatuation had long exceeded the one of a crush. It just made the whole situation worse, it reminded her that she was achieving exactly the opposite of what she had wanted. She was emotionally getting more attached to Seongmi, even though she tried to withdraw. How fucking ironic the universe was.

 

The detaching obviously didn't really work well. She was weak; after the first few times, she sometimes had stayed after tutoring. She would say that she didn't have time to stay but she always asked extra questions under the pretense of not understanding (which was technically not a lie) to spend more time with Seongmi before rushing to the dance room. Whenever she felt distressed or if Seongmi was taking over her mind too much again, she just shunned herself in the dance studio again. Her choreography for her contest was progressing well at this point, she had spent enough time in the studio to work on it. It was almost perfect.

 

It did nothing to stop her from still going after school every day, though.

She had just finished classes and was on her way home, her limbs were hurting from the over-excessive dancing without a break, she knew she could ruin herself if she continued so she decided to rest for today. Besides, she had to stay after classes to work on a project with her social studies group. She was tired and exhausted. She still had a few weeks left, she could always work on her performance later. She always found little details to tweak and bring the choreography closer and closer to perfection. At least something she could be proud of.

 

All of a sudden, she was taken out of her thoughts as she heard loud whispers. She was surprised to still find other students around here, she had been under the impression her group were the only left besides the cleaners.

 

They sounded familiar but strange at the same time. She hid behind the corner and peeked around. She wasn't even sure why she was behaving that weirdly, maybe Jisung's curiosity for everything had rubbed off on her.

Danielle had to hold back a gasp when she saw it was Seongmi – the familiar voice she had heard. However, she had never heard her sound so – so pissed and annoyed. She was under the impression Seongmi was a generally patient and sweet person, she never ever got mad at her for not getting chemistry and asking the same questions all over again.

 

Peeking again, she recognized the big built of the school's quarterback.

 

He looked angry? Frustrated? She had never seen Kang Dongho with such expression as well. He usually looked gruff, extremely intimidating yes. Sometimes, their eyes would catch each other and she had felt like he was mustering her or judging her. However, he would always quickly avert his eyes. Nonetheless, it was nothing compared to the scowl he had on his face.

 

A lovers' quarrel maybe? She couldn't make out what they were saying but it sounded a bit like Dongho was urging her to do something – but what?

 

Danielle bit her lip. She felt guilty for eavesdropping or trying to do so. This was nothing of her concern; she should continue on her way, get home and take a shower and not try to listen to a conversation when the other two didn't even know she was close.

 

But she told herself she could hardly understand anything anyway. She suppressed the guilt, she had a lot of experience by now, letting her curiosity get the better of her.

Seongmi looked agitated and annoyed and so did Dongho. He said something harshly, Seongmi was stunned for a second, and she frowned with a sad expression passing her face. Trouble in paradise as it seemed.

 

A sick feeling started to rise in her stomach. Before she could stop her thoughts, it had already infested her mind. She knew what it told her. She was way too interested in this, far more interested than she would be at some strangers' conversation. She was too eager about seeing her friend fighting with her alleged boyfriend. She felt too good seeing Seongmi and Dongho, the perfect childhood sweethearts, fighting. She was –

 

She was hoping for them to have a fall out. So maybe she could have a chance.

 

Her stomach churned and turned when she finally admitted it to herself. Light nausea hit her when she realized what she had just wished for. Shocked and appalled by herself, she left and walked into the opposite direction. She quickly entered a toilet.

 

Far away from the conversation, in that little room with the bad lightning, she was supposed to calm down but how could she if the ugly part of her mind was this noisy?

 

Danielle bit her lip harshly and cursed herself inwardly for even thinking of something so – so bad and toxic. How could she even slightly hope for Seongmi and Dongho's relationship to fail to fulfill her own sick fantasy of getting together with her. What, did she maybe expect herself to be the sweet good friend to nurse Seongmi's heart through the break up so she would end up falling in love with her in return?

She felt disgusted by her own thoughts, felt betrayed by her weakness. She had never expected herself to ever be that kind of girl, but there she was, hoping they would break up.

 

Just admitting it to herself left a bitter aftertaste. She should be happy for Seongmi, wish them the best, maybe offer her her support or help? Not that she could actually help or that they were close enough thatSeongmi would even share details but Danielle couldn't help imagin ea world where Seongmi would confide in her and she would maybe comfort her and make her realize that she would never hurt her -

 

She stopped herself.

Shook her head and groaned at her own pathetic behaviour.

 

"Stop, stop, stop thinking this way!" she mumbled to herself and hit her head a few times before pressing her face into her hands.

"Even if they'd break up it doesn't mean she's actually interested in you. Stop fucking hoping, ugh."

 

She leaned against the sink and looked into the mirror.

Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Her conscience didn't want to allow her to dream of another world where she would be happily together with Seongmi. A world, where she could openly hold her hand and just lean down to kiss her whenever she wanted.

But her mind, her desire was stronger than she thought. She whimpered pitifully, feeling like a slave to her own emotions she could not control. Guilt consumed her as she kept thinking about it.

 

She shook her head and told herself to think of something else. She hastily splashed cold water into her face, hoping to wake up and to leave those thoughts behind. But no matter how much water she had wasted, how wet her clothes had become, she still felt the same. The thoughts she didn't dare to think were still lingering persistently. She reached for her phone, hands shaking. Danielle let herself fall to the ground, she leaned her head against the cold tiles of the wall. She couldn't possibly go out looking like this or just being like this in general.

 

She put on any kind of video – she didn't even remember what she clicked on, maybe some compilation of funny drama moments – to distract herself.

 

But no matter how sad or funny a scene was, her mind was occupied. She dropped her phone to the ground and buried her face in her hands again, desperation taking over. Why was she acting like this, why couldn't she just simply forget? Why did it require her to sit on the cold floor pitifully while she was badly trying to hold back tears? Guilt was lying so heavily in her, she had tried all she could to erase those feelings for Seongmi but she couldn't. It was all for naught, she could do nothing. She felt so mad at herself and how this stupid crush had taken over her life.

 

"Why are you like this? Why can’t you just fucking let go?" she whispered to herself, feeling her eyes water in frustration and anger at herself.

 

Danielle knew her thoughts were wrong, her wishes even more wrong. She should just – she didn't even know what to do.

 

Suddenly, the small bathroom felt so suffocating and too small. She grabbed her phone and stumbled out of the door, her mind hazy and in chaos.

  


She ran across the whole school, ran with seemingly no destination, passing building after building. And if she were honest – she really didn't have one. Her long legs just kept moving on autopilot, the air was whipping her face. Her lungs were struggling to keep up and her legs were aching but she couldn't stop herself from running more and more.

 

Anything to clear her mind.

 

She probably had run rounds as she found herself in a busy street and the next one. Her feet had brought her to pass familiar buildings and streets until she found herself again in front of her school.

Only then did she really notice how heavy she was breathing, how hard it had become to even inhale without prickling pain. However, this was nothing compared to the feeling, the guilt, she had experienced earlier.

 

Slowly, she moved to the dance studio, it was basically calling for her.

The moment the door closed behind her, she immediately felt like she was in a safer space where she didn't have to hide anymore. She was glad she had managed to regain the feeling of safety back in this room over the last few weeks, more or less at least. Her previous thoughts were still lingering but as she walked to the sound system to put on one of her sadder playlists, she willed herself to transform those thoughts to something else. She pointedly ignored the nagging voice in her head telling her that Seongmi's presence was hovering here as well, she had become an expert at that.

 

Danielle looked into the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were disheveled, and there was a bit of dirt on her trousers but none of those mattered as her body started moving along to the first few notes of the melody, she allowed herself to let her emotions take over. It was as if her mind had become blank, only the music and her left in the empty room.

 

She didn't even know if her steps fit or if it flowed well, all she did was let her body take over and she closed her eyes, mouthing along to the lyrics as she glided over the hard floor in a familiar yet strange way.

 

A song ended and another came, her steps and flow changed but her emotions stayed the same.

 

She already felt the sweat dropping from her back, the uncomfortableness of her tight school skirt and her hair sticking to her forehead. She ignored how her legs and arms were begging her to stop, she simply grit her teeth and continued despite feeling them burn and ache.

 

It felt like hours when the music stopped, the playlist ending almost abruptly for Danielle. Her chest was heaving heavily. Her throat was dry and even ached but she felt almost relieved. A ghost of a smile crossed her face as she stared into the mirror. She looked even more like a mess but it was worth it. She felt a bit lighter, a bit better after projecting all her guilt and anxiety into movements of her limbs.

 

Suddenly, her eyes flickered to the other person she saw in the mirror and she gasped, turning around sharply in shock.

 

"You look most beautiful this way."

"Wh - What way?" Danielle asked, feeling nervous and irritated to know that Seongmi had watched her without her knowing _yet again._ This, however, was far worse. She had tried to rebuild the feeling of safety of this room with all of her might, it had taken her endless days and internal struggles but now she was back – simply standing there but invading not only her mind but her sanctuary as well. She was watching her again, exactly when Danielle was dancing her rawest emotions, when she was most vulnerable, when she was actually trying to escape her.

The previous times it had been different, she hadn't been dancing to ease her pain – it simply wasn't comparable. Rather than only being bothered and extremely vulnerable she also felt violated in some sort of sense.

 

"When you are dancing."

 

She didn't know what to say. She just felt more irritation clouding her mind, she bit her tongue to hold back from snapping at Seongmi. Under different circumstances, she would have surely blushed and stuttered but in this moment, she was just bothered. The other girl sighed and looked at her, a frown on her pretty face. Danielle, despite the annoyance, wanted to reach out and ease the crease between her eyebrows but she digged her fingernails into her palms instead. She looked away, trying to keep a neutral expression.

 

There was something akin to hurt and confusion in Seongmi's eyes and Danielle wondered if she was the reason for Seongmi hurting.

 

"What are you doing here?" she couldn't help asking with some not so subtle bitterness.

 

Seongmi was obviously stunned by her sour mood and couldn't do more than stutter about cheerleading being late on a Friday because there was gonna be a game soon.

 

Danielle knew she shouldn't treat Seongmi this harshly, she had done nothing wrong per se. It was Danielle who had those feelings and couldn't handle them, not Seongmi. However, to see the girl who had been occupying all of her mind and had been keeping her chained to her traitorous emotions felt _wrong_ right now; she was the most vulnerable she had probably ever been, hiding from confrontation and pain. Seongmi wasn't supposed to be here.

 

She sighed deeply and willed herself to calm down, shook her head slightly as she felt her eyes watering again. Why couldn't she just control her emotions for once? Everything would be easier if she wasn’t crushing on Seongmi. They could have been good friends, great even.

Danielle looked up at Seongmi and felt horrible. Seongmi, who was usually so confident in her appearance, was nervously playing with her fingers and biting her lip nervously. The frown between her eyebrows had deepened.

 

"I'm –," Danielle couldn't help sighing again and looking anywhere but her face. She didn't know if she could even face her. All she wanted was peace and quiet but she couldn't just kick her out, could she?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. That was uncalled for."

"It's okay," Seongmi said quietly and slowly started moving towards her. She gently laid a hand on her shoulder and Danielle backed off immediately as if her touch had burned her. A short moment of hurt flickered in Seongmi's eyes but it was soon replaced by mainly worry.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Danielle snorted and laughed internally at the pure irony of the reason why she was not okay asking her if she was.

 

"Absolutely peachy," she replied sarcastically.

 

Niel groaned at herself and sighed while running fingers through her hair.

 

“I'm sorry but – can you please – Can you please go?”

 

Seongmi frowned and the hurt was back in her eyes again. It did nothing but only make Danielle feel worse. Great, now she wasn't only hurting herself but Seongmi as well. Exactly what she had tried to prevent.

 

“It has nothing to do with you.” Technically a lie. “But I just – I really need time to myself and you are –”

 

She gulped, hesitating for a second but she just forced herself to say it, albeit with weakness in her voice.

 

“You are distracting me.”

“But it has never bothered you before. I don't understand, no matter how often I have been here you’ve never said anything, even invited me before. What has changed?”

 

Danielle should have known that Seongmi was stubborn, she stepped closer to Danielle but she was too tired to move away this time. Even though there was some respectable distance between them, it felt like Seongmi was radiating some sort of warmth and she could even smell her flowery perfume from the small distance. The sweet smell she had grown addicted to in the last few weeks did nothing but irritate her more at this moment.

 

“You have been avoiding me more and more. You seem absent-minded and you just – Did I do something wrong? Have I offended you or have I said something to hurt you?”

 

Danielle turned away from Seongmi and closed her eyes. Of course she would ask sooner or later, but Danielle had no answer prepared.

 

Suddenly, Seongmi grabbed her shoulders – firm but still with a small amount of gentleness not to hurt her.

 

“What is it? Tell me. I want – _need_ – to know how I can fix all of this.”

“There's nothing to fix. I'm just feeling weird lately.”

“Stop!” Seongmi shouted and Danielle winced a bit at the sudden unexpected outburst. Her eyes were showing desperation and frustration but also a small layer of hurt again.

 

“There is obviously something wrong with you! Okay, fine, you don't want to tell me, I get it. I understand we aren't that close but I feel like you are tossing me aside, Danielle. Do I mean so little to you that without notice, without a small warning, you just stop associating yourself with me? If I did something wrong then _please_ , please tell me, so I can fix it. But please don't dismiss me easily and ignore any of my attempts to reach out to you.”

 

The begging tone in her voice made Niel's heart hurt. A small prickling feeling started in her heart and spread across her body. She felt herself unable to open her mouth. Even if she could, she didn’t know what to say. She couldn't possibly tell her all about how she was so madly in love with her but at the same struggling with herself, hating herself for thinking something so disgusting about Seongmi and Dongho.

 

So she kept silent.

 

Seongmi scoffed and chuckled sarcastically.

 

"Why are you ignoring me?" she repeated.

"I'm not -," Danuel croaked out, "I'm not ignoring you. I still come to the tutoring most of the time, don't I?"

 

Her voice got quieter with each word. She sounded unconvincing to herself, too.

Seongmi looked at her for a few seconds before slowly moving towards her, the hurt and confusion replaced by almost only frustration and desperation.

 

"Why do you push me away? What is it that I've done?"

"It's not y-you."

"Oh, please," she groaned, "Don't give me any of this ' _It's not you, it's me_ ' bullshit."

 

Seongmi opened her mouth to say more but it seemed like she was unable to find the correct words. She sighed deeply suddenly looking more tired than mad.

 

“Well, if you ever decide on talking to me again: You got my number. Unless you have deleted it already, too.”

 

The sound of the door falling shut resonated in Danielle's ears as she kept her eyes on the ground. She kept hearing it ring in her mind even though seconds, maybe even minutes, had passed.

 

She was alone now, just the way she wanted to. Her gaze went to the mirror again, or rather to the stupid human being she set her eyes on. She laughed bitterly at the pitiful reflection. She looked even worse than before.

 

She may had achieved what she had wanted to but why did she feel so empty right now?

 

* * *

 

**Danielle**

you and jisung were right

i shouldnt have done it

reject seongmi as much as possible i mean

 

**Jaehwan**

what happened?

 

**Danielle**

god where do i even begin. . .

  


She hesitated for a few seconds, her fingers were hovering over her phone as she tried to find the right words. Suddenly, the situation earlier and everything before that seemed so dramatic to her, she was a bit afraid that Jaehwan might judge her for her rather 'violent' reaction and how poorly she had handled the encounter with Seongmi. She was biting her lip anxiously and looked up to her ceiling.

No, this was Jaehwan. Her best friend was a little shit most of the time but he wouldn't judge her or make fun of her. He had already seen her do so much stupid shit, even doing them with her, she shouldn't be hesitating and picking out pretty words to end up looking good around her best friend whom she trusted with her life. Danielle knew Jaehwan would be honest with her about his feelings regardless of her reaction and she owed it to him to be honest, too.

 

For a few minutes, she told herself to stop overthinking and just to type away. She had so many typos in her text messages it would have been embarrassing in other circumstances but right now, she was just relieved to know she could share all of her feelings with someone else. She didn't leave out any details, even typed the emotions she had seen flashing in Seongmi's eyes.

 

After probably half an hour full of countless messages, she had finally come to an end of her little narrative. Her head was starting to hurt and she felt weak. Nothing of this anger and frustration she had felt earlier was left, she was just unbelievably tired. At the same time, she knew she would not be able to actually sleep as long as she didn't know how to proceed.

She should have listened to Jisung and Jaehwan earlier. She had tried to protect Seongmi just to end up hurting her – it was truly ironic.

 

However, what's done was done. She didn't know what to do now. Apologizing probably. But besides that? Would that fix everything or anything at all? Seongmi had been mad and hurt, how easy would it be for her to forgive Danielle forbeing a bitch to her? Could they maybe even pick up from they had left? Could Danielle suppress her feelings for Seongmi if it meant not hurting her?

 

Her head was spinning from all the questions she couldn't find answers to. She kept texting Jaehwan despite knowing that he was probably sighing as he read her messages. However, he did not mock or judge her and she was eternally grateful for that. His words calmed her down a lot, it had always been like that between them. They could both be incredibly hot-headed and when one was far away from forming coherent thoughts due to whatever reasons, the other would be able to calm them and sit them down for a rational conversation. A quick look at the small digital clock on her phone showed her how late it already was and she felt bad that she kept Jaehwan awake for so long on a school day. He usually complained about needing his proper beauty sleep but knowing yet again that he was willing to sacrifice his beloved beauty sleep to help her without complaint made her heart feel warm with affection.

  


**Jaehwan**

i think you should really just apologize and be a bit cryptic, you know

something about I don't know

hormones? or something has happened and you are not comfortable to share it with her so that's been riling you up all along and made you easy to irritate

 

**Jaehwan**

and everything after that?

well, i'm no magician or fortune teller

 

**Jaehwan**

and it also depends on seongmi?

like, just follow what she's doing

from what i've heard though she forgives easily but doesnt forget?

something petty like that or maybe it was the other way around

 

**Danielle**

ok

should i do it now?

 

**Jaehwan**

in person would probably be better

but knowing you, you probably wouldn't be able to sleep a wink if you don’ttext her immediately

 

**Danielle**

you know me too well my friend

 

**Jaehwan**

consequence of dealing with your ass for 12 years D:<

  


Danielle giggled lightly, grateful that Jaehwan was switching back to their usual teasing after the serious part was done.

 

**Danielle**

gonna ignore that

i think i can handle the rest on my own, it's late already

go to sleep

  


**Jaehwan**

you sure?

  


**Danielle**

absolutely

  


**Jaehwan**

don't wanna wake up to 50 messages of gay panicking

again.

 

**Danielle**

that was _once_

  


**Jaehwan**

i still remember that fateful day 2 years ago when you realized your big fat crush

on a cheerleader no less

in the middle of the night

  


**Danielle**

we don't talk about that

  


**Jaehwan**

oh but _I_ do

anyways, gotta get that good amount of sleep to function tomorrow

looking forward to physics with Mr. Kim

NOT

good night see you unfortunately too soon >.>

  


The dancer laughed into her pillow softly, a small smile playing on her lips.

  


**Danielle**

good night

hey btw jaehwan

thank you

really

for always being there for me when i need you

 

**Danielle**

you know you can always reach out to me too, right?

no matter what time

i'll be there to listen

  


For quite some time, Jaehwan didn’t replyg and Danielle just assumed he was already snoring in his bed. She was starting to type out a message to Seongmi when she saw that she had a new message from him.

  


**Jaehwan**

niel

i . . .

i actually need to tell you something

 

**Danielle**

sure what is it?

  


The words under Jaehwan's name kept switching between ' _online_ ' and ' _is typing_ '. She didn't really know when to expect something or if he had fallen asleep again with his nose touching the digital keyboard of his phone. She wondered if it was something big – maybe it would be about Sewoon.

  


**Jaehwan**

ah i forgot hahahahahaha

i am so forgetful

especially this late!

anyways, do as we have planned! it will work out well for sure

good luck with your girl

  


She raised an eyebrow but didn't press further. _Patience_ , she told herself, _Patience_.

Instead, she focused on her message to Seongmi again. The other girl was surely sleeping by now, only an insane person like her would still be awake at 3 AM on a school day. She did not look forward to going to school as a zombie but it wasn't like she had any chance to skip with her mom usually kicking her out of her bed every morning without mercy.

  


**Danielle**

Hi, I'm sorry for earlier.

I know I was being a major bitch, I have actually been for the last few days.

Something just happened but I don't really want to talk about it – you

really didn't do anything wrong, I promise.

It just threw me out of my lane and made me oversensitive to . . .

literally anything and anyone.

I know I shouldn't have let it out on you,

I just needed space and I didn't really know how

to tell you without making it sound like I

didn't want to spend time with you which is not true!

I like spending time with you outside of tutoring, I really do.

But some stuff has happened and I felt myself being unable

to actually spend time with anyone not just you . . .

This is not the best apology ever I guess,

I hope you can still accept that, though.

Please believe me when I say I really mean it.

I am sorry for hurting you.

Also sorry I couldn't tell you face to face tomorrow,

I just thought I owed you an explanation

and apology as soon as possible.

If you want to we can talk again tomorrow.

  


Danielle didn't allow herself to dwell too long on the text, she wanted it to be done as soon as possible. She knew she was a coward to avoid direct confrontation, she was selfish. She also didn't feel ready yet to actually talk about her feelings. She also didn't see the point in confessing. That wouldn’t change anything for the better; at most, it would just make their relationship awkward.

At least she felt a bit better now once she had sent the message.

 

The blonde sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She pulled her blanket up to her face and was about to close her eyes when she felt her phone vibrate. She gulped, her fingers nervously playing with her phone. Was she ready to read the message yet? She didn’t know what to expect, what if Seongmi would be cold and distant. Danielle would deserve it for sure but she didn’t wish for it.  
In a short moment of something akin to bravery, she told herself to just get it over with and opened the chat with Seongmi.

  


**Seongmi**

god, danielle . . . niel

i am so sorry! i really shouldn't have snapped at you like that earlier

to be honest, there are some things i am struggling with right now as well so i am also always on edge

i am ashamed that i let this get the better out of me

i am glad though that you actually contacted me, thank you so much

maybe we can just leave this behind, blame it on I don't know . . . stress and personal problems?

because i value our friendship you have become a great friend to me and i'd love it if we could just continue without any hard feelings

  


Danielle laughed disbelievingly, it felt like a burden was lifted off her shoulders by herself and she had thrown it hundreds of meters away. She felt so much better, relieved and content in that moment. She actually felt a bit silly now for writing all proper sentences in her own text, she really didn’t know what she had been thinking.

She quickly replied to Seongmi who had wished her a good night with a cute emoticon.

 

The dancer pressed her face into her pillow.

 

What had happened earlier, the malicious glee she had felt upon hearing Seongmi and Dongho fight, she realized it was something a weak part of her mind had allowed but she knew they were wrong and she would never maliciously wish them to part. She still felt a bit guilty but she didn't allow herself to think about it further. Jealousy and envy would get her nowhere. She should try to be friends and friends only. Friends weren't jealous of their other friends' relationships. Maybe she would be able to suppress those thoughts in time the more often she reminded herself. For now, she guessed she had to be patient again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Niel's eyes were stuck on Seongmi's lips. She knew she was supposed to listen and learn but all she could think of were those lips that moved so prettily, the lovely pink color of them and if they felt as soft as they looked. She had seen her apply some strawberry lip balm earlier. What would it feel like to kiss them and maybe  -

 

“Niel! Hey, are you even listening?”

“I'm sorry, what?”

 

Danielle cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her hair.

 

“I have been talking about reactions for what feels like hours and I got none from you.”

“Oh, sorry,” she laughed shyly and scratched her nape embarrassed, “Good wordplay, though.”

 

Seongmi grimaced, her face scrunched up with discontent and even if Danielle felt bad for making her turn sour for wasting her time – she couldn't help cooing internally at how irresistibly cute she looked.

 

Danielle wanted to slap her face against a bookshelf or something, those kinda thoughts weren’t helping her to get over Seongmi. She was glad that the initial awkwardness at their first meeting after the fight was gone now and they seemed to have  gone back to exactly where they had been. Maybe even gotten closer over the last few last days. Too often, she would feel giddy and happy around Seongmi. Laughing and joking came so easily; sometimes, they would even talk about more serious topics and Danielle found herself greedy to know more about Seongmi in every possible aspect. She loved knowing about her little interests, such as how she actually used to have a low stamina but worked her way to the cheerleading captain and how she loved iced americano and poems. The cheerleader had also surprised her by how thoughtful she could be, even more than Danielle expected. The more she got to know her, the more she felt intrigued and wanted to keep talking to her.

 

She was worried for her heart but she couldn't stop, even though she knew it couldn’t end well if she kept falling deeper and deeper. She wondered how something that felt so right could be even close to wrong. Sometimes, she wondered if she should try to detach herself a bit again, not like the previous time but not allowing herself to get even closer to Seongmi. However, she had successfully managed to ignore all doubts and nagging voices in her head so far, she didn't want to go back to the times when she felt like she had to avoid Seongmi and actually only made both of them unhappy.

 

“I'm sorry,” she mumbled, abashed about her behaviour, “I will try to pay more attention.”

“I hope so,” Seongmi sighed, “What were you even so distracted about?”

 

Danielle felt her cheeks flaming at the inquiring eyes on her but she tried to find an answer that did not embarrass her any further.

 

“ _Stuff._ ”

“Stuff?”

“Stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Just . . . stuff . . . “

 

Seongmi eyed her weirdly and she turned back to her folder. Danielle breathed out in relief to know she had dropped the topic.

 

Suddenly, Seongmi moved very close to her space, their faces nearly colliding if Niel wouldn't have pulled back.

She was holding back breathing as she saw all the little details on Seongmi's face more clearly than ever before. She wasn't even wearing any make up but still looked perfect. Niel was torn between cursing at god for being able to create such perfect human beings but making herself look like her eyebags deserved their own postal code and thanking god for creating the perfect human being that was Ong Seongmi.

Her mole constellation was even cuter up close and made her want to cry ugly tears and write love poems (which was a shit idea since Danielle's rhyming skills equaled Jaehwan's dance skills [-100]).

 

Her eyes were drinking up every little detail of Seongmi's face until she forgot to blink.

 

“You –” Seongmi stopped abruptly, musing over what she was about to say as she squinted her eyes, “You thought about porn, didn't you?”

 

Danielle's face became impossibly hotter and she stuttered out some incoherent phrases she did not remember. For a short moment, she wondered if admitting to have thought about porn would be less embarrassing than to admit thinking about kissing the person you are talking to.

 

However, she hastily shook her head, she didn't want Seongmi to think she was a pervert or something, she didn't know how open she was to the topic of sex. She had heard Seongmi loved going to church, maybe she would be one to set her ass on fire for even thinking about pre-marital sex or even worse – gay pre-marital sex.

 

“I – I was thinking about my dinner. I really, really want some fried chicken but I can't eat it since the contest later is taking so long and the best chicken restaurant nearby closes early.”

 

Only a half-lie. She wasn't thinking about the chicken but she did crave some fatty food. She had really watched her diet the last few weeks to be fit for the contest. She couldn't wait to sink her teeth into some crispy chicken again. Actually, now that she thought about it why didn't she just say she was thinking about the contest? Stupid.

Seongmi raised her eyebrows in disbelief and Danielle wondered if she could see the sweat forming on her forehead. She had always been bad at lying and lying to Seongmi felt like an impossible task.

 

“Anyways, let's stop for now. The contest is in a few hours and you told me you wanted a few hours to prepare, right?”

“Yes,” Danielle sighed. Her fingers tapped on the table nervously, being reminded of the contest in very few hours again. She had forgotten about it momentarily while staring at Seongmi.

It was no big deal actually, just her school. She had done it all the previous years and it wasn't like she was actually expecting or hoping to win.

 

However, the thought of dancing in front of an audience had always made her nervous and her stomach churn. In the dance studio, when she was alone, she was her only judge. She wasn't nice to herself but knowing that hundreds of parents and classmates would watch made her unbelievably nervous the more she thought about it. If they are performing as the whole dance club, she would feel a little bit less nervous, since she wouldn't be alone on stage but this – this was different.

 

She gnawed on her bottom lip thinking about the performance later, her fingers were tapping faster than before but she had barely noticed.

Until Seongmi reached out and gently grabbed her hand.

 

Danielle’s jaw dropped slightly, a tiny gasp leaving her lips. She looked at her in shock, not expecting the contact or any at all. Her hand seemed to be burning. Her heart was beating erratically faster now, nervousness taking over her mind for a different reason.

 

Seongmi was smiling at her softly and encouragingly.

 

“No need to be nervous, you are gonna be absolutely amazing as always.”

“How do you know?” Niel replied with a small voice. Her throat suddenly felt so dry.

“I watched you a bit, remember?”

 

_Ah, right_ , Danielle thought. _How could she forget after her extreme reaction?_

 

“But –”

“Ah, shush!” Seongmi pressed a finger to Danielle's mouth.

“I know you can do it, and you will be able to do it. Just like I told you you could pass the latest chemistry test and you did! I believe in you. Have a little faith, hm?”

 

She pulled back her finger and Danielle was screaming internally. She didn't know exactly what or why but she was screaming.

 

“Good luck later.”

“Thank you,” she croaked out.

 

Danielle swung the bag on her shoulder and waved at Seongmi before walking to the dance studio.

She would eat a little snack, she didn't want her stomach to be too full, and then warm up. She preferred not to go through the whole choreography before the performance – she knew she would only make herself go crazy. The blonde changed into her soft pink dress that reached her knees and put on a bit of make up that fit the colors of her outfit.

 

Occasionally, she would check her phone for updates or sometimes even just to divert her attention so she won’t get too anxious and nervous.

 

Her friends besides Joohyun, who was also participating, were sending ridiculous memes into their group chat to distract them since they knew how nervous they could get. She couldn't help giggling at the 50th spongebob meme, it was equally dumb as it was distracting.

 

When it was close to the beginning of the contest, she walked to her school's assembly hall. She passed many anxious school mates, greeted some and then threw herself at Joohyun from behind. The girl was startled but did nothing to push her away. Joohyun herself was dressed in a dark suit with a dark shirt. Overall very dark and gloomy but still chic. Danielle had no idea how she managed to pull it off so well. She didn't know what Joohyun had planned, it was a thing they mutually agreed on. They didn't tell each other about their performances to keep it as a surprise.

 

“Nervous?” Joohyun asked with her tranquil voice.

“Always,” Niel replied and smiled at her cheekily. “Pity Jihoonie can't participate.”

“Well, it's better if he focuses on his exams. Also, don't pressure yourself. As long as you have fun it will be good.”

“I just want it all to go the way I want it to. I don't ask for much more.”

 

Joohyun cupped her face.

 

“You are gonna be amazing.”

 

Danielle giggled and cupped Joohyun's face as well, squeezed her cheeks a bit to make her look like a fish.

 

“You are gonna be even more amazing.”

“You are gonna be the most amazing.”

“You are gonna be the most amazingest.”

“That's not proper grammar, Niel.”

“Well, are we here for dancing or for a spelling bee?”

 

Joohyun laughed, her eyes crinkled cutely. They dropped their hands.

 

“I'm not gonna comment on how that made no real sense.”

“Good, 'cause it's your turn now anyway.”

 

Joohyun gasped and turned around. She hurriedly walked up the stairs to the platform and threw Niel one last look. The blonde raised her hands and showed her thumbs up in an encouraging gesture and Joohyun threw her one last smile before going on stage.

 

She couldn't see Joohyun's expressions through the performance but she knew her leader was doing well by the screams of the audience. Her moves were done with the needed precision, they were sharp and elegant at the same time. Classy Joohyun.

 

When the song ended, Danielle was screaming and jumping up and down, clapping loudly. Embarrassingly even, maybe. Joohyun high-fived her and wished her good luck with a big and warm hug.

 

“Your turn.”

 

Danielle smile dropped and she gulped. She ran her hands along her outfit before entering the stage.

The bright lights were making it hard for her to really look into the audience and see her friends but she knew they were there – and very loud, too. She couldn't help but laugh at their loud screams as the MC introduced her.

 

She quickly got into position as the music started. The performance itself passed her like a blur. She only remembered how the familiar song was taking over her mind, her body starting to move on its own in the way she had practiced so often that she was sure she could dance the choreography in her sleep.

 

At one point, she remembered slipping a bit but she hid it well, it looked like part of the choreography or at least she hoped so.

 

Just when she found herself in the ending position and when she heard her friends exploding with loud screams again did she realize she had done it. She sighed in relief, her chest was heaving as she gasped for air but she felt relieved and happy nonetheless. She bowed a few times before running off the stage into Joohyun's awaiting arms.

 

They laughed loudly, happy that they both had successfully managed to conquer their last contest in high school successfully. They were both giddy with the excitement and the thrill after finishing a performance.

They both couldn't wait for the contest to end so they could see their friends.

 

After another school mate, Noh Taehyun entered the stage as the last contender. Joohyun and Danielle could only clap in astonishment at his outstanding dancing skills. He killed the stage and they could do nothing but stare in awe.

 

“It's a real pity Taehyun didn't join the dance club,” Danielle mused but still proceeded to clap for the charismatic boy.

 

“Well, he got his own dance group, why join the school's dance club? Still lucky we managed to convince Jaehwan to join so the school doesn't close it. It was already hard to make Jisung join a year ago, I am surprised we managed to convince Jaehwan.”

“Do you think he still hates us for making him join?”

“Nah,” Joohyun replied, “Or well, maybe you.”

“Why would he only hate me?”

“You were the one who cried into his ears for days about the dance club.”

“Hey!” Danielle shouted, “Don't throw me under the bus here, you helped!”

 

Joohyun shrugged and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Don't know what you are talking about. I'm innocent.”

 

Niel gasped, “Does your girlfriend know you aren't as much of an angel as she thinks you are?”

 

Joohyun shrugged again with a cheeky grin and turned around to walk away.

 

Danielle threw herself at Joohyun again and wrapped an arm around her neck. They ended up laughing as they walked around to look for their friends' seats.

 

Before they could even reach them, Miyoung was already jumping towards Joohyun with a small bouquet of flowers and a wall of compliments. Joohyun looked startled but then got beet red the more Miyoung was talking.

 

“Joohyun! I am so proud of you!”

 

Danielle couldn't help chuckling but also cooing at the whole ordeal. It was adorable how Miyoung was even more excited than Joohyun and the flowers were a cute gesture. She also couldn't help but be a bit envious. She had wished Seongmi to be here as well and watch the outcome of all the hours of hard work she had put into the performance. She wanted to make her proud, too.

 

“Hey, Nielie.”

 

The soft voice calling her name made her freeze. She turned around abruptly and came face to face with a smiling Seongmi. She held a bouquet in her hands a bit weirdly.

 

“You were absolutely brilliant, just as I've told you. You looked amazing, I can't believe it was over so soon. Congratulations on yet another successful performance! I'm so proud! You did so well.”

 

Danielle was overwhelmed, she didn't know how to react other than unattractively gaping at Seongmi. Was she able to read minds? She blinked a few times before regaining access to a functioning brain again. Her cheeks were probably as pink as her dress.

 

“I – I didn't expect you to come. Isn't cheer training usually today?”

“Miyoung has annoyed me long enough to let her see her girlfriend and I wanted to come, too.Well, being the captain has its advantages,” she winked at her and stretched out the big bouquet towards her. “For you.”

 

“Th-Thanks.”

The dancer took the flowers slowly, her brain unable to believe that this was really happening. She had literally just thought about it and suddenly, here she was. Hearing that she made Seongmi proud made her smile brightly. When Danielle took the flowers, she also saw why Seongmi had been holding it weirdly. She had her hands wrapped around something else.

 

“What's that?”

“Chicken. From your favorite place. You said you craved some and I thought it would be a great way to celebrate.”

 

Danielle was stunned, she couldn't believe Seongmi had actually taken her that seriously and even made the effort to buy her the chicken she had craved for weeks. She felt her heart nearly wanting to jump out of her rib cage. It made her feel warmth spreading through her to her fingertips and toes. A giddy feeling rose within her and the smile on Danielle's lips only seemed to stretch wider.

 

How the hell had she managed to become so lucky was beyond her understanding.

 

“It's a bit cold because I bought it an hour or so ago but I think it's still good. Whew, so many people judged me at first for bringing chicken to the hall. I had to find something to cover it so it wouldn't smell. Someone even threatened to let security kick me out.”

“You risked getting kicked out for me?”

“Duh, you said you wanted chicken and that it would make you happy and I wanted you to be happy.”

 

The blonde didn't know if her heart could physically combust but this must be coming close to it.

Combined with her excitement from the contest, she felt the huge urge to just drop the flowers and swing Seongmi around and kiss her right here in front of everyone. She could barely hold back, her fingers were twitching. She knew this was a very wrong direction from her initial plan to get rid of her feelings but Seongmi honestly did not leave her any other option than to fall in love with her even further. When she was smiling at her radiantly and warmly, Danielle told herself she could stop caring about her plan for a little bit longer.

 

* * *

 

 

_You can do it,_ Danielle told herself and fixed her already perfectly laying hair one last time. She took firm steps forward to the girl of her dreams. After the contest, she had talked to her group of friends. They all had encouraged her to ask Seongmi out for prom. In their opinion, it was obvious that she liked her back or was at least interested and officially, Dongho wasn't her boyfriend so maybe – if she was into girls maybe – Danielle would have a realistic chance. They kept talking into her until Danielle decided that she could try, ignoring all her doubts and insecurities. She had put on a nice outfit she knew she looked really cute in and paid attention that her hair didn't look like little baby birds would suddenly pop out of them.

 

While at first she still managed to look confident, her steps just got smaller and her stature slumped with every meter she came nearer.

 

Before Seongmi could even see her, a friend had approached her. Danielle dashed away and hid behind a corner.

 

She couldn't do it. Especially not with a friend with her.

 

Danielle cursed at herself for being such a coward and messed up her hair in frustration.

Why was it so hard for her to say those small words. What was so hard about ' _Wanna go to prom with me?'._ Even if Seongmi would reject her, she could cover it up as " _just as friends, of course_ " but no, her ass decided to lose all confidence. She had come so far, dressed up, had her hair not in a messy bun for once and wore a pretty outfit.

 

She shook her head and hit her temples lightly with her palms.

 

_Get your shit together._

 

The dancer leaned against the wall she was hiding behind and bit her lips in frustration. Would hiding behind walls eventually become a thing for her? Or maybe it was just her cowardly hiding in general.

Only then did she notice that if she kept silent, she could hear Seongmi and her friend talking quietly.

 

"So, who are you going to prom with?" the other girl asked, Danielle had recognized her as one of the cheerleaders.

"I don't know, no one asked me yet."

"Really?”

“Well, no one I would say yes to.”

“Anyone you wanna ask?"

 

The few seconds of silence felt like eternity for Danielle. Her heart was beating faster at the possible mention of the person Seongmi wished to go to prom with and she held her breath. An irrational and way too loud part of her mind begged to hear her own name, but Danielle wasn't dumb enough to actually expect to hear it.

 

"Wow, you are getting red, Seongmi! I knew there is someone. Who is it?"

"Oh, shush!" Seongmi said, "I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Seongmi said dismissively and started walking faster by the sounds of her heels. She seemed to be coming closer towards her but Danielle couldn't walk away, not yet.

 

"There's someone you like, right? It's Dongho, isn't it? After all those years, you have finally realized you are perfect together! You are all over each other, always whispering to each other, even more than before. That's a sign. We all knew already!"

“Ah, you aren't that wrong about me liking . . .”

 

She quickly pushed herself off the wall when the voices had gotten too close and hastily walked away. Danielle had heard enough anyway. She didn't even know where her legs were bringing her, all she wanted was to get away. She couldn't hear Seongmi's answer properly anymore but it was something along the lines that she didn't want to tell anything yet and the other cheerleader would see.

 

Of course it didn't matter if Seongmi was even interested in girls as well or not because she probably was head over heels for her childhood best friend. She should have expected that. All the signs were clear. They seemed closer than ever, always talking and laughing and smiling to each other. A few days ago, some girl had said that Dongho and Seongmi had been in a dress shop together in one cabin. There had been very obvious noises. Danielle had just forced herself not to dwell on it but maybe she should have.

 

Danielle thought all along that she had prepared herself for rejection but she hadn't prepared herself for a heart break. She had been hopeful even when it was useless and now she had to bear the pain.

Her vision was starting to get blurry and she silently cursed at herself, blinking a few times to keep the tears back.

 

_Stupid, stupid_ , she kept repeating in her head. _So stupid._

 

She shook her head at herself. She would not cry. She would not cry. She refused to cry. She would get over it eventually. Sure, it would hurt now but those will be wasted tears, won’tthey? Also she couldn't possibly ruin the light make up she had put on.

 

Maybe she had read the signs wrong – maybe her friends had, too.

 

It would be okay, everything would be okay. Life would go on, she would get over this.

If she would keep telling herself this, maybe she would actually start believing it, too.

 

Danielle quickly texted Jaehwan that she was coming over and thankfully, her best friend said okay.

She was grateful and hoped for a distraction as she walked to his house. Her heart felt heavy and she craved cuddles to ease the pain.

 

Cuddles and a movie maybe.

 

She was greeted warmly by his parents and she felt a bit better immediately. Jaehwan's mom saw that she didn't feel too happy and just hugged her wordlessly and offered food immediately. She loved how heartwarming his mom was, she had also never treated her differently after finding out she was gay and promise to keep it to herself so granny wouldn’t find out.

She thanked her and threw open the door to Jaehwan's room.

 

“Knock, knock.”

“Funny, if you already opened the door.”

 

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly, happy not to be alone anymore with her thoughts. She threw herself on the bed next to her childhood friend who was eating some chips and watching a movie of some sort.

 

Jaehwan looked at her; she knew that he had noticed that something was off, but at the same time she appreciated immensely how he did not comment on it.

 

“What are we watching?” Niel said and grabbed a hand of chips. Nothing better than comfort food.

“Well, _I_ was watching a film Sewoon had recommended.”

“Sewoon, hm?”

 

His eyes flickered to her nervously.

 

“It's really interesting. A documentary about guitars.”

 

To be honest, it sounded like something she would never watch but since Jaehwan seemed really into it, she decided not to say anything. She threw some chips into her mouth, the saltiness overshadowing the bitterness she still had felt from earlier.

 

No, no. Happy thoughts. Better thoughts. She should think of something different. Like how Jaehwan was watching a documentary for Sewoon.

 

She propped herself on an arm and looked down at him.

 

“Wait, since when do you like documentaries? You hate them with a burning passion.”

“Correction, I hate them because in school we gotta watch them about boring crap such as wars or animals. This is different, this is passion and education in one. I can't wait for school to end so I'll never have to watch them again.”

 

She raised her eyebrows. The aspect of school ending in a few months hovered over them and while it always seemed so far away, it was suddenly closer than expected. She told herself to focus on more important things right now, though. Such as Jaehwan's very much possible crush on Sewoon.

 

“Okay.”

 

Her eyes flickered to the monotonous deep voice telling her historical facts about guitars but she didn't really grasp anything. She sighed and laid down on the bed properly again. A comfortable silence formed between them, the sound of the documentary, their breathing and occasional chips munching the only sounds in the room.

 

Niel played with her thumbs, played with Jaehwan's but the silence allowed her brain to replay the events from earlier which weighed heavily in her mind and simply refused to escape her brain.

 

The dancer looked at Jaehwan, wondering if he was just pretending to be immersed into the film or not.

 

“Stop staring.”

“You are just so ugly, I have to,” she said quietly in softly teasing tone.

“Ugly is the new handsome.”

“Did you just call yourself ugly?”

 

Jaehwan blinked a few times before groaning.

 

“Own goal.”

 

Danielle giggled lazily. Her best friend looked at her and stopped the film to turn to her. This position felt so familiar, they had found themselves in this position often before after becoming friends. They would lay on one of their beds facing each other. Their jokes and teasing would be put aside as they knew the other would be ready to listen to whatever was bothering them.

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I think you can guess.”

 

Jaehwan sighed.

 

“I take it, considering you finally had the courage to ask her out she rejected you?”

 

Danielle laughed, and rubbed her face.

 

“I wish. Chickened out at the last few steps. I think it's for the better, though.”

“Why?”

“'Cause I overheard her and her friend talking. Seongmi is already considering asking Dongho or, I don't know, waiting for him to ask.”

 

Now it was Jaehwan's turn to frown.

 

“That's what she said?”

“Basically.”

 

Jaehwan scratched his eyebrow.

 

“This is so weird, we were all so sure she liked you back. Are you sure you didn't misunderstand?”

“There wasn't a lot to misunderstand. Well, I should have expected it from the start. It's okay, though. To finally know for sure you got no chance.”

“Are you sure you are okay?”

“I –”

 

She hesitated for a moment, she knew Jaehwan already knew her answer but for the sake of her own sanity she simply smiled and nodded.

 

“I will be in time. Just some teenage high school angst. I'll get over it. One day, we will look back together and laugh about it.”

 

Her eyes flickered to the computer and she poked Jaehwan's cheek.

 

“Okay, enough emo talk for now. Let's watch something fun.”

“I'll leave you the honor of choosing.”

“Oh, great! We will be watching _Legally Blonde_ then.”

“Ugh, not again.”

“Yes, again! A classic can be watched multiple times!”

 

Jaehwan just gave up and watched her put on the movie. She threw herself on his side again and used his arm as a pillow.

She could probably recite the whole script by now and Jaehwan probably unintentionally, too.

 

College looked fun in the movie if she ignored the protagonist’s struggles in in law school. The college life was always something she had looked forward to but never really spent any time to actually think about it.

 

“Imagine if we were already in college, no more Mr. Kim and Mrs. Choi,” Niel started.

“Well, we are graduating in a few months so all we gotta do is be patient, I guess,” Jaehwan replied.

“Last prom ever in a few days and – wow, I'll be going as a single woman again. Whatever, I'll do it with dignity and pride.”

 

Jaehwan turned to her quietly. It seemed like his brain was running on haywire and he kept opening his mouth to say something just to shut up again.

 

“What about you? Did I maybe miss you getting a date amidst my messy life?” she asked.

“I – No.”

“Huh. Anyone you are interested in, maybe? Some girl in one of your classes or something?”

 

She was testing to see if Jaehwan would admit something. If he wouldn't, she would not continue prodding but maybe he was waiting for an opportunity so she tried to give him one. She didn't know how comfortable he was yet to talk about his infatuation with Sewoon so she just decided to play safe and talked about girls instead as if she hadn't noticed anything.

 

“No, no. No girl.”

“So you are gonna be dateless as well, hm?”

“I don't want to. I meant it, you know, when I said I wanted to finally bring a date to prom.”

 

Jaehwan rolled out of his bed and her head fell flat onto the bed. He was walking up and down his room, fidgeting. Her eyes followed his nervous form and she frowned.

 

“Well, it's not hard to randomly ask out someone. There are quite a few pretty girls without a date left. For example this cute girl from my English class. If you want to –”

 

"You – You don't get it," Jaehwan stuttered, his eyes wild as he looked everywhere in the room but her. His hands were wringing, sweat had formed on his forehead as he was pacing up and down.

 

"I just – I can't bring some random girl to prom."

 

Jaehwan ruffled his hair, seemingly frustrated with – himself? Danielle sat up on the bed and faced him.

 

"Why not, what's the problem? What about your plan to ask out the prettiest girl?"

"I –" he gulped loudly, the sweat trickling down his temple. He was shaking a bit and she hastily walked up to him.

 

"Hey, hey, Jaehwan," she softly called out and laid an hand on his arm, "Breathe in and out deeply for me, will you?"

 

He nodded shortly and did as he was told. After a few breaths, his shoulders lost its original tension.

 

"Yes, that's good. You don't need to be nervous around me, you know that, right?" she said in the softest tone she could measure. He nodded weakly and closed his eyes before breathing out shakily again.

 

"I need to tell you something," he croaked out and looked at her, “I have wanted to tell you so often before but I –“

 

He groaned and ruffled his hair even more.

 

“I always found a reason not to and I just – I didn't really dare to when I know you wouldn't think badly of me but –“

 

Danielle moved her hand on his arm to his hand instead and squeezed it reassuringly. He looked up to her wearily, a deep frown edged between his eyebrows.

 

"Whatever it is, I'm here for you."

 

She smiled at him encouragingly again and he tried to smile back, even though it seemed more of a grimace.

 

"I'm – I think I am . . . Fuck it, I'm gay. I'm – really, really gay."

 

His eyes went down to the floor immediately, she felt his hand shaking almost violently. She squeezed his hand again and pulled him towards her to wrap her arms around him to hug him tightly. Jaehwan grew tense in her arms before sighing and his shoulders slumped in relief. A grin spread on her lips.

 

"I know," she whispered into his ear, "And I'm so, _so_ proud of you that you had the courage to tell me."

 

She patted his head and ran her fingers softly through his hair. Jaehwan simply pressed his face into her neck.

 

"You know that me and the others would never judge you, right?"

 

He nodded weakly. She was about to open her mouth and add something when Jaehwan parted from her slightly. His eyes had become a bit watery, his mouth turned downwards. It was an image so foreign to his usual bright and annoyingly heartwarming laugh, it made her heart ache to know her best friend must have been hurting all along so much that her positive reaction had reduced him to almost tears.

 

"Yeah, of course. But – I just – I don't know. It was hard to admit it to myself because I always thought I was straight, you know. I never really questioned it and went with what every straight dude my age would say about girls. Maybe I felt like this is what people expected me to be like, so I would have to act like that. Because I wanted to belong, too. Among those 'normal' dudes that look at girls' boobs and asses and pop a boner and maybe I have told myself that that's what I found attractive, too. Or maybe I did feel that attracted once? I really don't know. I really don’t fucking know However, in the last few months especially, I started to feel different? In some way, I can't really describe it. And one day, it just hit me, the possibility that I might have fooled myself and that I was in fact gay. That's such a terrifying thought when you find out something you always believed to be was actually not true and at first I tried to tell myself it was just a short lived feeling but it was not!”

 

He blinked a few times to stop himself from actually crying and sighed, “It was not. I just started accepting m – my sexuality and then, you know, accepting the fact that my grandmother and her family are probably gonna hate me if they ever find out. I mean, we don't like each other much but they are still family. Admitting it, telling you guys, it would just make everything more real," he sniffed. "But I couldn't keep it in anymore. I felt like I needed to tell you. I think I'm ready. It's a part of me and I can't deny it anymore. Those boob jokes got old anyway. Not like they were good in the first place."

 

They glanced at each other shortly before breaking out in comfortable chuckles. Danielle could literally see the relief in Jaehwan's eyes as they looked at each other silently with small smiles playing on their lips.

 

"Niel, I . . . I also have to tell you something else."

"Sure," she mumbled and squeezed his shoulders.

"I got a crush. Like a massive gay crush on Sewoon that nearly puts your crush on Seongmi to shame."

 

She good – naturedly rolled her eyes, her smile only widening.

 

"Sure, big boy. Wow, he has just come out a minute ago but is already trying to challenge my gayness. Tch. Try to reach my level."

 

They burst out into small giggles again and it helped to diffuse the heavy tension from earlier. She was glad Jaehwan had felt ready to confide in her. It must have been really hard for him to figure himself out all alone and never being able to talk about how he felt while slowly accepting himself.

 

"I'm not joking, though, Jaehwan. I've suspected it before. You aren't that subtle about your crush on Sewoon, you know. You literally make heart eyes and your cheeks resemble the color of the dreadful hair you had back in middle school whenever he looks at you.”

 

He spluttered and his cheeks were a bright red in embarrassment.

 

"I – My cheeks do not –"

"Yes, they do. Very red. Like fire red. As they are right now"

"I can't believe we had such a moment but you are already teasing me again."

"Mhm," she seemingly contemplated but then threw an arm around his shoulder.

"Now that you have finally admitted it to me, I have to catch up on all the missed opportunities I had to make fun of you. Sorry, that's the best friends codex," she said and pretended to be apologetic before her lips turned upwards.

 

The smile forming on his lips was full of appreciation and maybe even a bit of happiness.

 

"Thank you. For everything."

 

And she felt her smile turning softer, too. Less teasing. Warmer.

 

"That's what best friends are for."

 

With her arm around his shoulder, she started guiding them back to his bed.

 

"And now, let's continue watching the great movie that is _Legally Blonde._ Also, you owe me a pizza now."

"Why?" he asked, entirely confused by the sudden request. She simply shrugged.

"I decided so."

"Buy your own shit."

"What –" she gasped, "You brat!"

 

She pulled his head down into a light headlock and violently rubbed her knuckles on his head until both of their laughs echoed in the room.

 

“I give up, okay! I'm buying your pizza.”

“Good boy,” she said and let go of his head. She laughed to herself, glad to feel so much lighter with Jaehwan around. The happiness she felt for Jaehwan momentarily overshadowed her own sadness and she was glad for that.

Her best friend was ordering some pizza and coke while she was putting some chips into her mouth.

 

Jaehwan ended the call and turned to her slowly.

 

"Fuck, if you don't have a date and I also don't have date, does that really mean we are the single losers three years in a row?" Jaehwan asked disgruntled.

“Seems like it, buddy.”

“Why are our high school lives so pathetic?” he sighed and shoved a handful of chips into his mouth as well.

 

Danielle reached out to copy him. She felt some landing on her shirt and huffed at their audacity not to slip into her mouth but did nothing to stop it.

 

“I 'ave no idea,” she muttered with her mouth full, accidentally spitting a bit on her stomach.

 

Jaehwan groaned, “I want to ask Sewoon out so bad but Granny can't know. She would probably pull some rituals on me to keep the gay demon out of me.”

“Little does she know the only gay demon is actually you,” she deadpanned and resulted in Jaehwan kicking her thigh.

“Sorry! You are so sensitive, jeez,” she laughed.

 

A few seconds of silence settled between them, each of them in their own thoughts.

 

Danielle thought of how unfortunate it was that Seongmi would not be her date since she was planning on going with Dongho but Sewoon actually was just as interested in Jaehwan as he was in Sewoon. That was painfully obvious. This was ridiculous, this was their last prom for god's sake. They were supposed to have fun without being judged. Danielle looked at Jaehwan and squinted her eyes, a possibly crazy idea coming to her mind.

 

“Hey.”

 

Jaehwan looked away from the screen to look at her with mild disinterest.

 

“What? Got more insults?”

 

Danielle pointedly ignored what he had said.

 

“What if we go as dates together.”

 

Immediately, Jaehwan grimaced and turned his head away.

 

“Why the fuck wouldwe do that? I mean, it's understandable that you want a piece of this – “

 

Jaehwan presented his body and Danielle's eyes were stuck on the small pieces of chips all over his face and shirt.

 

“ – But I'm not into you.”

 

Now it was Danielle's turn to kick Jaehwan's thigh which promptly led him to scream.

 

“As if I'd want to actually waste my night being your date. No, I meant like to cover up. We will take some nice shots together and spend a little bit of time together. After that you can dance with Sewoon, at least everyone at prom would be under the impression you were actually my date but we were bored with each other or something. Your granny will think you are totally the hetero that you aren't while you have a nice time with Sewoon. I could be your beard.”

 

Jaehwan frowned. “You wanna be my facial hair . . . ? Is this some sort of kink I'm not aware of?”

 

Danielle groaned and slapped her forehead.

 

“Forget it. This was a stupid idea.”

“Wait, no! I still don't get the beard thing but I want to go to prom with Sewoon or at least spend time with him without everyone immediately suspecting something if you already say that my crush is obvious. If this helps, I'm ready to take the risk. Please be my facial hair.”

 

Danielle shook her head.

 

“You are making this conversation weirder than it has to be.”

“You started the beard thing.”

“Idiot,” she sighed, “It basically means I'm your cover up. Go have some fun with Sewoon while I'm officially your date. At least one of us should be experiencing going to prom with their crush.”

 

Jaehwan propped himself up on one arm and looked at Danielle, seemingly deep in thought as he stared at her. After a few seconds, she was a bit freaked out.

 

“Now it's getting slightly disturbing, what is going through your head? I gave you a golden opportunity to protect you and you don't even look happy, man.”

“No, I mean I am,” he said hastily. He sat up properly and looked at her.

“But wouldn't it absolutely suck if I would leave you alone – this isn't cool.”

“Well, it's cool for me, really.”

 

Half lie. She wouldn't be cool being the only one left without a date but it's not like Jaehwan could magically make Seongmi like her as much as she liked her.

 

“You should enjoy our last prom. Don't worry about me. I'm a grown girl, I can handle it.”

 

The doubt and hesitation was still evident in Jaehwan's eyes and Danielle kicked him lightly.

 

“Stop looking at me like that. I said it's fine, it's what I want.”

“But you won't be happy.”

“Jaehwan, your happiness is my happiness. My crush unfortunately doesn't like me, but yours does for sure, so don't be a stupid fool and grab the chance.”

 

Suddenly, her friend had thrown himself at her and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

 

“Thank you, Niel,” he said, voice muffled by him pressing his face into her shoulder.

 

A smile spread her lips. She hugged him back quietly.

 

“I'm gonna save you a dance,” Jaehwan added.

 

Danielle's first instinct was to retort something snarky but she stopped her sharp tongue. Instead, she just chuckled a bit,

 

“I'd like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

**Seongmi**

so, prom is next week!

are you excited?

  


Danielle choked on her water when she saw the new messages. She hastily unlocked her phone. Nervousness was suddenly spreading through her and she honestly didn't know why. There was nothing to be nervous about. It was not like Seongmi would be asking her out for prom – that's what she had told herself the whole time. A small, foolish part of herself kept hoping, hoping for some sort of miracle but Danielle always told herself to stop hoping for the impossible.

  


**Danielle**

yeah sure

  


She was totally lying. She would be standing around awkwardly while watching all her friends have fun with a partner. Maybe she should smuggle in some alcohol to let loose and –

 

Her train of thoughts was interrupted when she felt her phone vibrate.

  


**Seongmi**

who are you going with?

  


The dancer momentarily considered being honest, saying that she was pretending to be with Jaehwan, take some pictures with him, embarrassingly dance a bit before she would hand him over to Sewoon. But she couldn't possibly do that. It should look at least a little bit as if they were actually each other's dates so Jaehwan's grandmother would not suspect anything. She wondered if it would make much of a difference if she would tell Seongmi but then decided to play it safe instead.

  


**Danielle**

i'm going with jaehwan

 

**Seongmi**

oh

ah

your friend with the loud laugh

 

**Danielle**

haha yeah

it's actually quite amusing when its 4 am

and you lay in bed just chilling

probably gonna have a blast tomorrow

 

**Seongmi**

so are you going as friends?

 

**Danielle**

oh no

i'm actually his date

last year and all

we decided to try it out as  dates instead of just going as friends

  


For a few minutes, Seongmi didn't reply. Danielle looked at the time and groaned when she realized it was nearing 2 AM. What had she actually been doing the whole day? Wasn't she supposed to study?

She quickly sent Seongmi a good night text and buried herself under her blanket. Before she slipped into dreamland, she wondered if Seongmi had wanted to say something else regarding prom.

 

She gasped and sat up in her bed with her jaw dropped.

 

She had completely forgotten that she still had to buy a dress for prom.

Danielle groaned and threw herself at her bed and pulled the blanket over her head. She hated shopping for prom dresses. They were pretty to look at but to find a fitting one usually took her hours. All this trying on and turning around 50 times before deciding it wasn't her style.

 

Momentarily, she was reminded of the image of Seongmi in the tight dress and she screamed into her pillow in despair and desperation. She was so done with herself.

 

* * *

 

 

Danielle often wondered if prom itself was just a way for capitalism to reign in schools.

 

She sat somewhere in the corner with a cheap plastic cup in her hand, drinking fruit punch. She had successfully managed to find a dress with some nicely fitting accessories. Her dress had been on sale and made her feel breathless in some positions but she certainly did not complain. A bargain. A pretty looking one at that.

 

She liked the soft rosé color of it; she personally thought it looked pretty with her blonde hair. She didn't really try to make some super complicated hair style, simply straightened her hair and applied some make up that would fit her dress' colour. Luckily, she had found a tie in the exact same shade for Jaehwan. Now they were matching and had taken photos together earlier. His grandmother would certainly believe them and not suspect that her beloved oh so straight grandson had been spending his whole evening dancing with his very male crush.

 

Danielle took a big sip from her cup and looked around. She had to admit the hall was beautifully decorated. There were stars and a moon hanging from the ceiling, making it seem like they were dancing under the beautiful night sky.

 

She had already danced a bit with Jaehwan earlier. More like, her best friend had embarrassed her on the dance floor, but she had fun laughing and being swung around. She was still glad to hand Jaehwan over to Sewoon, though. The way they smiled at each other shyly warmed her heart and made her feel so excited for them. At least she knew Jaehwan was happy.

 

Jisung had also hit the dance floor earlier with a girl, her name was something with Woon? She wasn't too sure, when Jisung introduced his date it had been really loud and Danielle had been too embarrassed to ask for her name again and only nodded while smiling. She had been a bit confused at first, Jisung had never mentioned anything about a girl but she reminded herself to ask him later.

 

She had asked Jihoon via chat earlier where he was but he hadn't answered yet. She wondered if he was simply busy or ignored her but knowing how busy he was with school and his part-time job now, he would probably answer and follow later. She wondered if she had neglected her friends – besides Jaehwan maybe – in the middle of angsting over her relationship with Seongmi. She told herself to care more for them and appreciate their time together before school actually ended.

 

Just before she grabbed something to eat, she had seen Joohyun twirling on the dance floor with Miyoung. At first she watched them a bit, enjoying seeing her friend having fun but then Miyoung's hand slipped down to her ass and Danielle decided: She had seen enough.

 

So here she was, thinking about proms and capitalism and how firms probably had a field day whenever it was prom season. All the money they could earn –

 

“A penny for your thoughts.”

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when this melodious voice entered her ears. She looked to her right and saw Seongmi sitting comfortably next to her with her own cup in her hands. Even though the lightning was shit, she could still see how stunning Seongmi was. Her dress was of a darker shade of blue and while it wasn't as tight and short as the one in the cursed picture, this one didn't hide her shape in any way. The material looked to be rich and soft and her hair was put up in an elegant way. She had minimal amount of make up on and Danielle would have probably felt inferior sitting next to Seongmi if that hadn't been a normal circumstance by now.

 

"Capitalism.”

 

Seongmi raised her eyebrows.

 

“Sexy,” she said sarcastically and took a sip of her cup. Their eyes caught each other and they both started chuckling.

 

“What is a pretty girl like you doing all alone here?”

 

Danielle felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. It came so effortlessly to Seongmi but it left quite an impact on Danielle.

 

“Jaehwan is on the dance floor,” she said, eyes moving to the form a few meters away from them.

“He has been the whole night. However, I saw you with him for one or two songs maybe.”

“The shoes, you know,” Danielle started, “High heels are a pain. I thought these were decent but seriously, it hurts moving in them.”

 

That wasn't even a lie, she was used to dancing in flats mostly, jumping around in 15 centimeters was no fun.

 

“Why don't you just throw them into the corner and dance barefoot?”

“Barefoot? With Jaehwan near me? If I wanna risk getting my feet killed, sure.”

 

She sent a small apology towards Jaehwan even though her friend had managed to step on her feet multiple times before. She was personally convinced with a lot of training and determination, he could be a decent dancer but Jaehwan was more about singing than dancing.

 

“What about me?”

 

Seongmi laid a hand on Danielle's. Her eyes were twinkling excitedly and a wide smile spread on her face.

 

“What do you mean?”

“I'm a cheerleader, I usually don't hurt people while dancing! You wouldn't need to to fear for your feet.”

 

Danielle raised her eyebrows.

 

“Are you asking me to dance with you?”

“Well, we are at prom. That's what usually everyone does at prom. Come on!”

“B – But what about Dongho? Where is he anyway?”

“He is trying to smuggle some alcohol into the school or something. I'm bored and I wanna dance! Come on, Nielie.”

 

Seongmi jumped up and held out both of her hands.

 

“Come and dance with me. At least dance with a friend if your date is busy!”

 

She looked at those perfectly manicured fingers, her hands looked soft and inviting and what was wrong about dancing as friends? Absolutely nothing. She ignored her hammering heart. Danielle  hoped Seongmi couldn't feel how much she was sweating and grabbed her hands. Seongmi smiled even brighter at her and pulled her towards the dance floor.

 

“Wait!”

 

The cheerleader frowned but her face eased after she had realized that Danielle was pulling off her high heels.

 

“Goddamn devil's work, those shoes.”

 

She immediately felt lighter without those shoes but also a lot smaller than Seongmi who was actually around her heightusually but was towering over her now in her own high heels. They laughed at the big difference and Seongmi reached down to follow suit.

 

“I agree, we don't need them.”

 

Seongmi pushed her shoes right next to Danielle's and pulled her to the dance floor. The dancer was licking her lips nervously, she didn't even know why. Maybe it was because Seongmi was so close to her. She could even smell her perfume, something softly flowery and sweet without being too dominant. She could never get tired of the perfume Seongmi used.

She didn't even have to fear of looking horrible dancing, she was a dancer for god's sake. Also, Seongmi had seen her dance before.

She started moving along to the song, mouthing the lyrics until she quickly lost herself to the rhythm again.

 

They smiled at each other, happy to be with each other among a lot of other sweaty teens, enjoying their last prom together.

 

One song turned into another, sometimes they would both look at each other and grimace at the dj's choice but would soon find themselves laughing and still shaking their hips along to it. The later it got, the more crowded the dance floor, and the more daring people had become. From the corner of her eyes, she could see some pairs already shamelessly making out. She thought she had seen the tongue of one of her classmates shoved deeply into this guy's mouth and she quickly looked away in disgust. Her eyes caught Seongmi's and she forgot about the incident immediately.

 

Seongmi put her hands on Danielle's shoulders and made her whip around along with her. Danielle put her hands on her shoulders as well and even though they probably looked stupid barefoot, with their hands on each other's shoulders, screaming the lyrics to some popular pop song, Danielle had never felt so good. Their laughs mixed together again and Danielle felt so strong and happy.

 

Suddenly, she was pushed from behind, someone had apparently pushed someone else who fell against Danielle. She was pressed very closely to Seongmi, their chests were bumping painfully.

 

“Wow, I haven't even noticed how crowded it had become,” Seongmi screamed. “Wanna grab something to drink and go out for a bit?”

 

Danielle nodded quietly and Seongmi grabbed her hand to lead her off the dance floor to the beverages. They quickly grabbed anything they could find and hastily walked out of the hall.

 

The fresh air literally hit Niel, she blinked a few times in astonishment. She hadn't noticed how insanely hot and stuffy it had actually been inside. She breathed in and out deeply, glad not to be surrounded by sweaty horny people anymore.

 

Seongmi had walked off a bit and chose a quiet place for them so sit on the pavement. Her naked feet were wiggling out of her dress as she looked up to the sky smiling. Danielle thought her heart would never have a break around Seongmi.

 

She could still hear the faint music in the background, a stark contrast to the tranquil silence of the night.

 

Danielle plopped down next to Seongmi and stretched out her own long legs. She didn't really care about dirtying her dress or, even worse, ripping something. All she focused on right now was how she was sitting next to Seongmi as they happily sipped on their drinks.

 

“I’ve been here for only a few hours but I am already so tired,” the black haired beauty said amused.

 

Danielle looked at her shortly before chuckling.

 

“I have been tired before I even came.”

 

They laughed a bit before they both fell into comfortable silence.

 

“Do you sometimes think about the future? The big future, after school I mean.”

 

The dancer turned to her crush, surprised to suddenly hear such a serious topic on a fun night out. However, it was not unwelcome. On the contrary, it always allowed Danielle to get to know her better and know more of her personality beyond what everyone else saw.

 

“Of course I do. School is ending in a few months, aren't we all wondering about university or jobs and all of that?”

 

Seongmi was slowly nodding.

 

“Without a doubt but – besides that, have you ever really thought about all the people you have met in school and how you aren't going to see them anymore once you have maybe moved to another city, even another country, to start studying?”

“I –”

 

Danielle admittedly hadn't thought about it that deeply. Of course, sometimes it had passed her mind and she was saddened but she never really dwelt on it, at least not yet.

 

“Not much. What about you?”

“Me? If I have thought about it? Too often maybe. I am –” Seongmi sighed, her stare fixed on some bushes meters away.

 

“I am scared. These are the people I have grown close to and I have grown to love. This is a familiar place, I know where everything is; I know everyone in my class. I know that if something were to happen, I'd have the support from all of my friends. I am afraid of major changes, I guess. And losing. Losing the people that matter so much to me.”

 

Danielle bit her lip and daringly grabbed one of her hands to hold it with her own. She squeezed the hand gently and stared at the same bush. Seongmi was looking at her and Danielle was grateful to the bad lightning makingher red cheeks not as visible - hopefully.

 

“Changes can be pretty intimidating, yeah. Thinking about not seeing Jisung, Jaehwan, Jihoon and Joohyun everyday – it's such a weird thought.”

 

Danielle was stroking the soft hand in her lap absent-mindedly.

Her mind was occupied by the aspect of her friends being all over the country and never really being able to meet everyone as much as she wanted to. Especially in the last few weeks, she had learned to treasure her friends again and thinking about losing something so precious, she felt her heart become uneasy.

 

“I've been together with them for so long. I have laughed and cried with them, celebrated success and received comfort when I failed. Breaking out into the big wide world out there is exciting but also frightening. However, this is what life is essentially. We all part ways in some way or another. The question is if we are willing to put effort into keeping the relationship. I mean – sometimes it still doesn't work. How many friends from middle school have I ever met again? A pity if I think about it but I don't think we have really noticed and maybe we haven't cared enough. Or maybe we have all become different people with different interests. But there is nothing that holds us back from trying, is there? Give it a shot, try our best. Those are the people I have made so many experiences together, they have become such a big part of my life, especially Jaehwan.”

 

She felt Seongmi's hand twitch in hers but paid no particular attention to it.

 

“I sometimes want to kick his ass but imagining a life without him feels weird. He is my best friend, the one I'd steal horses with and would probably leave me alone the moment trouble arises.”

 

Danielle laughed shortly and shook her head.

 

“I don't want to miss any of the relationships I have made in high school. There are some people in this school I will surely not miss but a lot have grown on me. I'm gonna miss them, I think.”

 

Seongmi had quietly listened to her long monologue without even breaking it and she felt a bit embarrassed to have said so much sentimental stuff at once. She was about to apologize when Seongmi laid her head on her shoulder and grabbed her other hand as well now.

 

Danielle froze immediately, her shoulder tensed up but her heart, her heart was racing relentlessly. She slightly moved her head to look down at the shiny black hair, unable to process if she was dreaming or not.

 

But the smell, a faint coconut smell and that familiar flowery perfume, the pressure on her shoulder, the warmth of the hands around hers – they were all too real to be a mere dream.

 

She told herself to relax a bit so Seongmi could lay her head on her properly without feeling like her shoulder was a board.

 

“Would you miss me?” Seongmi asked quietly, cautiously maybe.

 

The blonde gulped.

 

“Of course I would,” Danielle whispered, not daring to speak normally in what felt like an intimate moment. She felt like what was happening between them right now – it was so fragile, it could break any moment.

“Even though we have been friends only for two or three months?”

 

Admittedly, a short amount of time compared to the two or three years Danielle had been crushing on her.

 

“They were good months,” she replied shyly. She immediately wanted to hit her forehead. What sort of crap was she spouting. She didn't even have any excuse for it.

Danielle felt Seongmi chuckling lightly, the vibrations of her body spreading over Danielle's.

 

“Good because I think the same. When I say I am afraid of losing the people I love, I also mean I am afraid of losing you.”

 

It felt like all air had left her lungs, she stopped breathing and her hands started shaking. Or maybe those were actually Seongmi's who felt just as wobbly as she did. The other girl rose from Danielle's shoulder and looked at Danielle intensely. She was still so close, closer than she had ever been, she could feel nervousness radiating off her, mixing with her own.

 

Seongmi's eyes flickered down to her lips and if Danielle had dared to breathe in between, she would lose all her air again.

 

Seongmi leaned forward painfully slowly. Danielle's brain was still trying to process what was happening, if this really meant what she was thinking. Her eyes closed on her own, waiting, anticipating the soft touch of her lips. She could already feel her soft breath against her lips and if she would just lean forward slightly –

 

“Seongmi, are you here?”

 

Danielle opened her eyes and pulled away immediately when she heard the male voice. Seongmi was cursing under her breath and groaned, frustrated.

 

“Oh, here you are.”

“What is it Dongho?”

“It's time, sorry. I promised mom to take you home. You know how she gets about you.”

 

Seongmi frowned.

 

“My mom or your mom?”

“Both actually.”

 

Danielle was awkwardly scratching her neck and looking away. Her thoughts were far away to the moment they had shared. The quarterback looked softer and friendlier talking to Seongmi - of course he would. What would have happened if Dongho wouldn't have come?

 

Ah, but maybe this was the universe's way of telling her to keep to herself.

 

Dongho offered a hand to Seongmi who threw Danielle a look before grabbing it and getting pulled up. She stumbled a bit and Dongho wrapped an arm around her waist. He fussed over her feet and scolded her affectionately about hurting herself by shards of glass on the street.

 

The gesture looked so familiar and so affectionate, it pained Danielle to know she had foolishly hoped for something earlier. They must have been swayed by the moment and atmosphere, thinkingthere was something when there was actually nothing.

 

She felt guilty towards Dongho, she was about to kiss his date or his girlfriend or his fiancée or something.

 

Her head was starting to hurt and she wanted to go home, actually she just wanted to get away. Danielle murmured a small bye and walked back into the hall before deciding she couldn't take the crowded hall right now and turned to walk into a different direction. From the distance she could hear someone – probably Seongmi – calling her name and she walked a bit faster.

 

She should have never allowed herself to get closer to Seongmi, not like this. It was easier to get over a mindless crush. This, however, had developed into something that was running far, far deeper and was taking over her mind way more than it should. She knew she was planning to run away again – not only physically.

God, she was so extremely selfish but wasn't it understandable that she wanted to protect her own heart? She was desperate. This was better for both of them anyway, right? Better sooner than later.. There was no way not to hurt Seongmi but this way, if she would make a clean cut, she wouldn't be sad over a friendship that was doomed to fail from the beginning.

 

“Kang Danielle. Stop walking away!”

 

Danielle shook her head a bit and whimpered. She was the biggest coward she knew but she couldn't stop and face her. If Seongmi was afraid of losing her, Danielle was afraid of – of just everything.

 

Suddenly, she collided with a panting Seongmi who looked downright pissed.

 

“I'm not allowing you. Not this time.”

 

Danielle frowned, feeling confused but also irritated.

 

“What?”

“You. Walking away. Or trying to.”

“Seongmi,” she sighed, “I want to go home.”

“Not until you tell me what's wrong.”

“There's nothing wrong. Everything . . . is the way it’s supposed to be. Everything is okay.”

 

Seongmi groaned loudly.

 

“Just stop fucking lying to me! I'm tired, Niel, okay? I'm fucking tired of this. I am tired of running after you!”

“What do you mean by ' _running after me_ '?”

“I mean me being the only one chasing and making a fool of myself! Being the only one really trying!”

“ _What?_ ”

 

Seongmi grit her teeth and her whole face showed nothing but frustration.

 

“God, are you really that blind? Have you never fucking noticed?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Danielle felt like pulling her hair, she didn't know what the hell Seongmi wanted to hear, what was she talking about in the first place? All she wanted was some peace and quiet but nothing seemed to go the way she wanted it to and now for some fucked up reason, Seongmi was even frustrated or mad about something Danielle did not get.

 

“That I am the only one who keeps chasing after you! Fuck, Danielle, I wish I could stop being a damn fool and tell myself to give up and that I'm wasting my time chasing after someone who maybe doesn't even want me! But I keep trying and trying to mend the relationship we used to share and go back to where we were because I can't fucking let go of you and while my mind wants to, my heart refuses to listen. I thought it was going so well! I always told myself that it would be okay, that I never had any real chance in the first place and had only deluded myself into thinking there might be one. I told myself it's okay as long as we keep being friends and I could have you in my life at least in some way but no!” she shouted, her voice getting louder and louder.

 

“No! You keep pushing me away and I don't even fucking know why! I am sick and tired of being the only one caring about this friendship! Fuck, did you even know how much you have unknowingly hurt me in those few weeks you almost ignored me – or maybe it was intentionally, I don't fucking know anymore. All I wanted was to be your friend, I did not ask for much. I had stopped hoping for more a long time ago but you didn't even fucking care about my friendship. You avoided me, closed up and kept postponing every meeting with one lame excuse after another. You didn't even try to get creative with them! You didn't even give me a proper reason; don't think I have actually believed what you’ve said. Fine, maybe I did at first but I am not that blind. I knew there was something wrong and it was about ,but you never told me what it was. I tried everything I could, asked if you were okay, called and tried to spend time with you to the point I was probably being pushy but then I thought maybe you needed time and would get around, but that's apparently not happening as well!

 

I'm sick and tired of this but first and foremost, I am hurt. I am really fucking hurt because there is apparently something that keeps holding you back and your stubborn ass refuses to tell me what it is and you choose to run away instead! I really do fucking mean that little to you. Isn’t that it? You can't actually fucking stand me? Or have you noticed all along and are disgusted? Noticed how you can fucking make my day with a single smile of yours and how you keep making me crazy in the worst but also best possible way? That’s it, isn't it? You have noticed that I'm fucking in love with you and that pushed you away!”

 

Danielle's brain went haywire, a headache was hitting her full force and she just grew impossibly more frustrated than before. Her brain was hardly processing the mass Seongmi had hit her with in a few seconds but she felt so mad, her hands clenched to fists and she came even closer to Seongmi, chests bumping uncomfortably against each other.

 

“What nonsense are you blabbering? Me hating you because you fucking like me? Let me tell you something, Ong Seongmi. I have had countless days and nights where I'd just fucking lay in bed to think about your pretty eyes and prettier smile and I'd fucking draw your mole constellation on literally anything without even noticing!

 

I fucking ran and yes, I admit I am a fucking coward. I ran because I didn't know what to do with my feelings because I thought I had no chance, never in the entire universe! Even if you would have been single and happened to like girls as well, I was so sure you could never, under any circumstance, like me! Look at you, you are so gorgeous and funny and kind. Hoping for your friendship already felt dangerous at some point. I keep running because it felt like we weren't aiming for the same thing. I don't know anymore, I don't even know if what I'm saying is making any sense. I am confused and I sometimes think there is _something_ but then fate fucks me over and basically slaps me in the face and makes me realize I was just a fucking fool.”

 

Danielle sighed, her shoulders slumping. All her initial madness was gone.

 

“I ran because I couldn't stand the thought of being close to you and not being able to do everything I'm dreaming of. I couldn't just touch you the way I wanted, I couldn't hold you and I couldn't look you in the eyes without – without –“

 

Danielle breathed in and out deeply, she hadn't even noticed how hard it had become for her to catch a breath.

 

“I couldn't look at you without wishing that you were mine.”

 

Seongmi looked at her, an unreadable expression on her face as her eyes looked over her face. Danielle was nervous, she didn't know what reaction to anticipate from Seongmi. They had basically just screamed their heads off a few meters away behind their hall, the chilly wind was carrying faint music towards them, their feet were dirty and if Danielle wasn't completely mistaken, they had just confessed to each other. What a wild night.

 

All of a sudden, Seongmi huffed and shook her head.

 

“You really are a big fucking idiot, do you know that? And I – I’m a fucking idiot as well.”

 

Seongmi didn't even wait one more second; she cupped her face and suddenly, soft warm lips were on hers. Danielle was stunned for a moment.

 

At the lack of response, Seongmi pulled away and frowned.

 

“Kiss me if you like me; kiss me if you don't like me.”

 

Danielle blinked a few times before a smile started to spread on her lips upon realizing what actually had just happened. She touched her forehead with Seongmi's and they giggled, delighted to know that all their angsty pining had been unnecessary.

 

“And if I want to kiss you and sweep you off your feet at the same time?”

“Hm, I guess that works – AH!”

 

Danielle circled her arms around her hips and lifted her up to swing her around a bit while capturing her lips. The cheerleader screamed a bit and their kiss was more of a mess than a kiss but Danielle was so overwhelmed by her emotions and by how giddy she felt. It felt like a burden she had carried for years was falling off her shoulders. She couldn't believe they had both been dumb enough to tiptoe around each other for so long. Danielle put Seongmi down to actually really kiss her and suck on those lips she had dreamed about for so long.

 

“Oh, shit. I love your lips,” Seongmi mumbled against her lips before engaging her in yet another heated make out session. Seongmi's hands stroked Danielle's hips and touched her waist. Completely immersed into the kiss, Danielle hadn't noticed Seongmi's hands slowly moving to her butt and lightly grabbing her ass. The blonde jumped a bit at the sudden contact.

 

Seongmi looked at her sheepishly and moved her hands to a safer zone.

 

“Sorry, I've always wanted to touch your butt.”

“I was just surprised. I don't – I don't mind.”

 

Seongmi was wiggling her eyebrows, her eyes were twinkling teasingly and a smug grin was playing on her face. Danielle felt her cheeks redden again, she just hoped she would stop blushing around Seongmi so often.

 

“You know, I thought you were straight,” Danielle said to distract Seongmi. The girl frowned and looked at her in shock.

“Straight? Me? Why would you think _that_?”

 

The dancer chuckled embarrassed and buried her head in Seongmi's nape. Being so close to Seongmi, being in her arms felt so right. Danielle nearly laughed out loud even though she still felt embarrassed to admit to her faulty observations.

 

“The rumors. About you and Dongho. You guys seriously look to be a pair whenever I looked at you. You were just perfect together, you know. You, the head cheerleader and him, the masculine swoon-worthy quarterback every girl would dream of.”

"Dongho?” Seongmi snorted. “He's gay, has always been. When we were 14, we watched some lesbian porn together and I was the only one getting hot and bothered."

"Have you ever . . . ?"

"What? Kissed? Fucked? Ew, no to everything, that's like – _incest_. Are you into incest? I swear to god, Nielie, if you are into that we have to stop whatever is going on between – "

"No, no! I'm – I'm not," she tried to save herself and Seongmi was laughing when she saw her slightly panicked expression.

"I'm just joking, chill. There has never been anything between Dongho and me, never. The rumors are just that. I mean, yeah, we are obviously very close which I guess could be interpreted wrongly but at the beginning we denied everything but no one believed us. Somewhere along the way, we just stopped giving fucks. Shit, if I had known that was one of the reasons why you kept running away, I would have slapped some sense into those gossipers already. Just kidding, the slapping part I mean. I would have just screamed at them. Also, we are just so used to being touchy; we don’t see it as a big deal. We literally grew up together; his parents are basically mine and vice versa. I'll stop with the excessive touching, though, if you want to.”

 

“Is everything okay with you, ladies?”

 

They both turned to a Dongho standing a few meters away from them with a lazy smile on his lips.

 

“I heard some hardly coherent screaming earlier and decided to check. So, everything good?”

“Yeah!” Seongmi screamed and then looked at Danielle with a smile. “Everything’s perfect.”

“Okay, I'm telling mom then. She is a bit panicking about you still not being home.”

“Yeah, okay fine whatever,” Seongmi said dismissively, too focused on playing with Danielle's hair between her fingers.

 

“Also, she sort of threatened to never bake her amazing walnut cookies ever again if I don't get you home soon –”

“Just a few more minutes.”

“And as you know, I really love your mom’s walnut cookies.”

“Dongho.”

“It would be a tragedy if I would never be able to eat them ever a–“

 

Seongmi turned to Dongho with fire in her eyes, gritting her teeth. He didn't need to be close and see her face properly to feel the aura of doom upon him.

 

“Okay, jeez, I'm going and waiting for you in my car.”

 

The quarterback walked away quickly, leaving Seongmi and a very amused Danielle behind. Dongho surely seemed to be different from the aura he usually carried in school.

 

“I love him like a brother but his timing is the fucking worst possible,” she sighed, “But without Dongho, I probably wouldn’t be here. He really helped me a lot. When you told me about Jaehwan being your date, I felt so discouraged I didn't even want to go. He basically dragged me here.”

“Oh! Jaehwan – he is also just a best friend. Not as long as you guys but he is just as precious to me.”

“You were his beard, weren't you?”

 

Danielle laughed, “Yeah! Thank god you get the expression.”

“He really wasn't subtle grinding on the other guy.”

“G – Grinding?”

 

Danielle choked on her spit. Jaehwan? Her Jaehwan? Grinding Sewoon? She felt nearly scandalized.

 

“Well, something close to it. But the other guy liked it.”

 

Seongmi touched her forehead with Danielle's again and closed her eyes momentarily.

 

"I wanted to take you to prom so bad," Seongmi admitted, her fingers playing with hers absentmindedly now. She probably didn't even know how it made Danielle's fingers tickle and made her feel funny in general. They were barely even touching but she felt like melting.

 

"But I just – I was never sure if you were interested, I was so confused by your relationship with Jaehwan. Especially when you said he was your date. I cursed at myself that night that I have –" she stopped for a few seconds, even stopped playing with her fingers before sighing and taking her whole hand with hers.

 

She looked up to Danielle almost in determination, a glow in her eyes along with a whirlwind of emotions.

 

"That I have fallen in love with a possibly straight girl."

 

Danielle felt her heart stop for a millisecond before it picked up on speed twice as fast as before. She remembered how Seongmi had said it earlier but in the heat of the moment it flew over her head. This, however, was very much different.

 

Seongmi nervously bit her lips and looked up from under her eyelashes. She squeezed her hand lightly, making Danielle's poor heart just go into overdrive.

 

"I have fallen in love with you, Kang Danielle. Never intended to and never expected to fall in love when all I wanted was to focus on my last year of high school but you just," she laughed shortly before looking at her again,"You just stumbled into my life – literally and looked so adorable with your messy hair and your sweater turned inside out. And you were just as adorable as you seemed, how could I not fall for you when you smile at me like that? It's not fair, you know, that you just walkedinto my life and stole my heart like this. But here we are. And even if we haven't taken fancy pics at prom or have matching dresses, I'm still asking you for a dance. Not as friends this time.”

 

Danielle's eyes went to the hall and she tilted her head.

 

“We can barely hear the music.”

“Our dresses are dirty, our feet even more and we got lipstick stains all over our mouths – who cares? I don't. I'm content as long as you are.”

 

Danielle couldn't help smiling. Her mouth was already hurting but it seemed to be the natural effect Seongmi had on her. She laid a hand on her hip while Seongmi laid hers on her shoulder. Their other hands found each other and together, they moved to a song they were both barely able to hear, under an actual beautiful night sky.

 

Even though the rough ground under their feet didn't feel pleasant, it still felt like Niel was floating.

 

She looked at Seongmi who looked just as happy and content as she felt. Her thoughts drifted to the conversation they had earlier and her curiosity won.

 

“Are you still afraid of losing me?”

 

Seongmi grinned.

 

“Terrified, now that I know you like me back. It's okay, though. We can worry about it later when the time comes. Now, I only want to dance with the prettiest girl in school who for some miracle likes me back.”

“I don't like you.”

 

Seongmi's rhythm stuttered and the confusion in her eyes made Danielle almost giggle.

 

“I'm just as in love with you as you are with me.”

“Ahhh, my heart dropped for a second!” Seongmi whined and hit her shoulder weakly. Danielle thought she was so cute and leaned forward to steal her lips once again. The laugh Danielle had tried to suppress surfaced and a smile spread on Seongmi's face.

 

“Well, if we are already confessing, I want to confess something else.”

 

Danielle didn't know if she should get nervous but the sheepish expression on Seongmi's face made her feel relieved.

 

“I actually know how to dance, duh, I mean more than cheerleading. I did popping for like 8 years, your dance move was a bit different from what I am used to but I definitely pretended not to get it just so I could spend more time with you.”

“You really are something,” Danielle gasped, “I tried so hard to teach you!”

“Sorry.”

“You don't really sound sorry.”

“Because I am not.”

“You are unbelievable,” Danielle laughed.

“Also, I lied a little about having tutoring experience. I mean, I did 'tutor' someone once.”

“Who?”

“Miyoung. She taught me the basics of chemistry and I taught her how to make haegeum noises with her mouth.”

 

Danielle raised her eyebrows and Seongmi opened her mouth for the sound to escape her throat. The dancer couldn't help laughing.

 

Seongmi joined in and together, they simply enjoyed each other's company. They left no room for worries and doubts; all they were thinking about right now were each other.

 

(Until a panicked Dongho appeared, mumbling something about super moms and took Seongmi with him.)

 

* * *

 

 

Danielle woke up, completely disoriented. She rubbed her face and groaned. Touching somewhere around her pillow, she finally managed to find her phone. She checked the time, she had slept quite a lot actually. After that eventful prom yesterday, she thought it wasn't surprising to sleep that long for once.

 

She opened the group chat of the boys, Joohyun and her just to see pictures sent by Jihoon. She blinked sleepily but any kind of sleepiness left her when the sorta blurry pics loaded.

 

She screamed loudly and key smashed into the group chat, laughing madly and whooping.

  


**Danielle**

CONGRATULATIONS

  


She giggled looking at the snaps of Jaehwan boldly kissing Sewoon on the dance floor. But wait.

  


**Danielle**

hol' up

jaehwan

what about your granny?

 

**Jaehwan**

I SAID I WANTED A PROM WITH A BANG AND I GOT MY PROM WITH A BANG

(there was obviously alcohol involved, i think someone spiked the punch?)

also I have realized that this was our last prom guys

EVER

except jihoon's

  


**Jaehwan**

but you know i don't fucking wanna live forever knowing I was at my last prom with a cute guy who obviously liked me back but didn't dare to act on my feelings because I was afraid of my grandmother

i don't know maybe i will regret it later when she actually finds out

but today man

today i feel fucking awesome

  


Danielle was in the middle of writing a long message about how proud she was of Jaehwan when she got a text from Seongmi which made her squeal and forget about Jaehwan entirely (sorry, man).

  


**Seongmi <3**

good morning to my beautiful girlfriend

 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Big special thanks to Dani, Colette, Cici, Maggie and of course all my friends who had to take my freaking whining the last five months x)!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/thssmslkfn)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thisseemslikefun)


End file.
